Color Of Mangen

Looking Forward

2008-06-15T22:02:00.003+08:00

Its been quite sometime since I last wrote here. A lot has changed. Mainly on the good side.

Mostly, its down to me changing myself a lot.

Shell has ended, as of Friday. I've learned so much about myself and about life. And more importantly, I've grown quite a bit.

I still keep my fears and my insecurities. As the people have said from the beginning, the aim is not so much to run from it but to embrace it. What's life without fears and worries.

These days, whenever something bad happens I'll pray. Dash to God, with whom all good things come.

I just thought that I might jot down that I'll be heading to Hong Kong for a summer exchange which will last two months.

It's one of the biggest things I've done really. I'm 25 this year but i've never been out of the country alone for more than a week. And this time, I'm heading out for two months.

But having met up regularly with my barker mates, I've come to realise that being 25 means its time to take the next step in life. No more pretence about being someone you are not. Those days are over. The way forward now is to be someone you are.

And I am rather special. Not so much because of me mind you. But because of God and the people I am with. I can roll off the tip of my tongue now the people I have around me and their experiences. In ACJC, some have already gotten married, with kids. Ditto for Barker. And in both, I've seen friends travel around Europe, North America.. some heading to Israel, some working in New York, Studying in arts colleges in Boston..

And so it's really time for the gentle steps and time for some movements. Life needs to be forward moving. The past is done and the best way to embrace the past, is to move forward with the people from there. Then in that case, your future will always be with the ones you love.

In all, always always know, that God walks with you.

Always have been, always will be.

I end this post with a song by our American Idol winner Mr Cook. I heard this just before mass today and it's been in my head since. In church I could almost feel God singing this to me. Telling me that I'm always going to be his baby. His child.

Ladies and Gents,

This is David Cook with Always be my baby.

Lyrics | Always Be My Baby lyrics

2008-03-21T13:05:00.002+08:00

Last week saw me ride on a wave of optimism that i havent felt in a long long time.

i was checking out some summer programs in hk, korea and all and in a move that surprised even myself i swooped in and applied for the 5 week hk one.

if the school had covered the fees for me i would only need to pay like 2 - 2.5k for 5 weeks in hk.

i thought, good deal. and was v happy. then i told helen, and she wasnt so happy. then i persuaded her to apply till my saliva got dry. n she still wasnt so happy. then she applied. and she got happy.

so we were happy.

then i applied for pgp. and that made me more happy. suddenly i felt hope. that wow, aft my internship, i may actually be very happy! living in hk for 5 weeks 3 days after my internship ends. then when i come back i'll be in pgp, living by myself for my last yr of school..

sounds all damn good.

then i started planning for helen's 21st bd. reserved this super cool suite in sentosa resort for 525. 2 floors with a hot tub cum jacuzzi outside on the 2nd floor, kitchen, living room, bedroom, suntanning deck. then i called up her frens. all coming.

woo. suddenly everything seems good.

and then, it hit. we started fighting. again, over the most stupid thing. and suddenly its lk. cancel the party la. forget it la. f$%# here and there. and then the hk nominations came out and i was not selected. neither was helen. and suddenly wow.. all the hope comes crushing down..

and then nw i have to make a decision whether or not to pay for the summer prog. if i pay for it. it's a cool 4.5k.. plus modules n spending cash..

thats 900 a week. nt tat bad for hk but its nt as enjoyable as i imagined it to be.

so now its a huge dilemma, if i do the hk, i cant do the pgp. the money just isnt there.

so tell me, is money not the key to happiness?

that being said.. i still trust..

god will mk a way.. when there seems to be no way..

Happy New Year

2008-02-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

Ah freaking finally, the year of the PIG is over. I wasn't much of a believer of fortunes and all but i had such a terrible year last year i cant help but believe now that if you FAN TAI SHOI. u fan tai shoi.

This year my fortune reads - dear pig. your first half of the year will still suck. (coincidentally my internship runs till june) but your suckiness will taper down slowly but surely. By the second half of the year, you should be a happy man.

And with that i prod through my stupid 5 more months of internship and pray against all that i do not end up doing anything i wont normally do.

Whatever it is, i'm very glad that its nearly all over. for now, i'm just gonna try to pick up the pieces and move on.

For the first time i'm gonna have CNY resolutions.

(note this year i din haf NEW yr resolutions but CNY resolutions. That how much i believe in the fortunes now. ha)

1. pierce my ears.
2. get a fake tan and see if its nice. (yes laugh. go ahead. laugh)
3. lose some fat and get some lean meat.
4. learn french
5. get some proper drum lessons
6. buy a super solid camera and start taking brilliant pictures. (speaking of which i still haven't got my cool pics of me and natasha monks from the amazing race asia 2)
7. aim to go back to hk, macau, modern parts of china, redang or tioman (with the steamy people) and thailand. seriously i've always wanted to go thailand. this is the year man. oh. i wanna go cruise too. mr tai hang's supposed to go scotland with me (or rather i said i wanna go scotland with him) so that's penciled in too.
8. buy a car (yes i passed my final theory already my chances of passing has now gone up by 50%.

and as the chinese believe, 8 = FAT ah. so i shall be realistic and stick with 8 resolutions.

its gonna be done.

happy new year people. welcome back to sunny sg damon! no more snow man for u.

2007-10-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

for me juju helen babykins. happy 14th month. i dont like the no. ahaha.. but hey, aft this will be nice already!

hugs

Techno Upgrades

2007-09-09T12:55:00.000+08:00

Some major technological improvements in my life has seen

1. An upgrade of memory cards for my hp. Its now up to 2GB. that means i can take 3394 pictures even though i already have like 5 albums worth of music and about 70 plus pics in the phone. awesome!

2. A new laptop! I saw this offer from courts and HP and decided that its prob the time to change it now. A new laptop hopefully for a new beginning?

its a HP pavilion tx 1222AU. Geeks would love the AMD (so says chong hao) but unfortunately gamers would hate this cos the cache memory (so impt for games and all says damon) sucks. its 4 times as slow as my fujitsu. But, I still love this new one cos.. its new.. haha

I wanted to put up pictures but for some reason I cant? so wait la. maybe i'll put up if u want but if ure curious go google the brand and see for yourself! its a nice laptop and most imptly i've learnt from the precious lessons and gotten keypads that are black. hahaha. which like, is the most impt and fundemental thing no?

One major hiccup though, i skipped an installation and now my stylus pen (yeps its a tablet again) doesnt work? and there's a fingerprint option but it doesnt work as well!

anyone working in hp that wants to help me?

haha

Random Rides Episode 4

2007-09-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

Hosting

2007-09-02T10:16:00.001+08:00

Did a charity event - the NVAC charity fiesta yesterday and i must say it was such a blessed experience.

After the show introduction scripts and all (and a handshake from this Mp Dr balaji sadashivan who came up out of the blue and was like, Hey good job son.), I started walking around and seeing all these groups of ppl. Disabled, autistic, handicapped, blind and i tot to myself.

wow. am i lucky or am i lucky. and there were so many highlights. normally these ppl are alr very uninhibited and they're v smiley smiley but when ure like the emcee they really smile more at u. and u get all these hellos! hi! and it was jus so warm. to be in that kind of environment when u have all these disadvantaged ppl living their lives and being so... cool.

there were so many i couldnt remember. this indian old man was smiling at me all the time. and waving. this autistic older chinese waving at me. the blind who kept saying hello to everyone. the children who were playing. the autistic kids fascinated by a cap.

and i think the highlight was suddenly while walking around this autistic lady about my chest height? suddenly hugged me. tight. very tight. and i could feel all my fears disappear. and i hugged her too. n there we were, jus hugging. after awhile the volunteer came by and was like hey dun do that! to the lady and i was like, hey hey.. its ok! i dun mind. and like with that more of them came? one high 5-ed me. shook hands with me and just.. hang ard me. and like.. for once i din haf to worry. about anything. i knew then nothing would happen to me.

but it was so cute becos as i was shaking hands and all, the same lady who hugged me started pushing me away becos i apparently got too close to 'her best buddy' and ya. she got possessive. haha. adorable!

then at the end of the event i happen to see this ting whereby they called it the wishlist? apparently the beneficaries put down wad they wan and then we simply fulfill it if we could. so alot of ppl wanted sweets and chocolates and so me and priya were counting like.. how many.. and aft the whole counting we found out like.. oh 7 only.. ok la. so we went up to the ppl and like, hey u noe those that want chocs and sweets? we pao ka liao la. haha. we'll fulfill all their wishes. and they were like.. wa.. serious? and we were jus so.. ya. no prob no prob! haha.

it was just really an awesome day la. i really enjoyed myself. looks like more charity events are ahead in my life. =)

i end this post with pics of the day annnnnd.. a line!

in giving to others, you give to yourself.

6 Zip

2007-09-02T09:58:00.000+08:00

Well its time for a LIVERPOOL post once again for all of you!

Last night was such a nice sleep simply because the greatest team of all, LIVERPOOL FC, totally whooped the behindy of a little team called Derby. You really have to feel for them as we completely ran rampart on them.

Here's some pictures

Everyone will probably speak about the new strength in depth and I guess i'll follow along the bandwagon. When you can play without Gerrard and the Carra and still be so commanding?

I think we have a winning team here!

That being said, this is Derby. Still though, the whole game against Chelski shows quite well that we can be the big team this season. Stay tuned for more.

YNWA.

Song of the moment

2007-08-30T12:37:00.001+08:00

THREADLESS sales

2007-08-30T10:32:00.000+08:00

THREADLESS is having a sale! So if u're tired of buying clothes that everyone is wearing check it out using this url!

And, If u buy a piece, 2 threadless points come to me and i'll love u for that! haha.

http://threadless.com/?from=airren

We appeared on HOOKED~!

2007-08-24T22:47:00.001+08:00

" While they may still be amateurs in the radio scene, given their young radio age, do give these guys a chance. Glenn & FD won't be around forever, and these guys may just be the panacea you need to liven up those Monday blues. HOOKED "

Random Rides appears on HOOKED - NUS's best e-zine on lifestyle and campus news.

Here's an image!

And here's a link if you wanna read more about Radio Pulze and the Random Rides with the Goons at noon.

http://www.hooked-nussu.org/content/view/1114/88/

Youtube clips!

2007-08-21T10:28:00.000+08:00

Here's a short YOUTUBE clip of our first episode. The second one just ran yesterday.

If you like it, stay tuned to Random rides with the goons at noon. every monday 130 - 3pm here on radiopulze.com = 0

Better yet, check out the blog, all our media are there. www.goonsatnoon.blogspot.com

2007-08-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

Song of the moment. Taylor Hicks Just to feel that way.

And as promised,

Pictures of the interview with Corrinne May. Stay tuned to the goonsatnoon for more of that interview on air. =)

Corrinne May!!

2007-08-15T11:21:00.000+08:00

By God's good stuff I managed to get an exclusive interview with Corrinne May yesterday, yes that same corrinne may who i totally love and adore. I must say, from her pictures and all, i had always had the fact that she's not that pretty but when u see her face to face.. wow.. u get completely stunned!

she's absolutely beautiful and on top on that she has this grace about her that is just so magnificent.

we were the last to interview her and i think by the time we went in she was actually already very tired so i was like, oh we're gonna make this a lil light hearted that the rest, first we're gonna haf the serious interview then we're gonna do a simple random one (and she's like, woo, random! haha) for my show.

and i think she really enjoyed the interview because she was giggling and laughing and i think my section really brought her back some good times and some good memories so yeah, i felt really good. i din wanna do one of THOSE interviews where u just ask her oh whats yr inspiration and all, i really wanted to bring her out of her professional image and take her into like, her natural self which i tot was quite evident at times (or maybe she's just so professional u cant catch it)

nonetheless, this woman is just so so sweet. she's having a showcase tmr which i haf still not decided whether or not to go to but all in all, she's really the sweetest thing la.

really hope to enjoy her presence again soon. similarly, she went through something as well that was very comforting to my fears but i'll keep that within me.

i think beyond that what i really took home was that she had so much.. light. i told helen this before and i think its becoming more and more true. people with the presence of god in them really have this shine about them, this light, this glow that you cannot describe. their voice becomes calmer and more smooth, their eyes shine, their lips are redder with life, their body just seems so loose and at ease. their minds seem relaxed and their souls just seem so clear.

and i mean, i say this because several of the people who are really exhibiting a huge influence on me now have this glow and this glow is just something you have when you've found the ultimate peace with god.

some people call it nirvana, some people call it bliss. i think its jus the flow. when you've found peace with god, you experience a flow, where things just move on for u. its not always going to be smooth but you know it wont go beyond this certain level and beyond everything there'll always be a solution.

its not always been the easiest of roads for me these few months and possibly even the next few but i know as long as there's a peace with god, things will flow my way.

and the interview ended with her talking about her times in school with the catholic students society and how they had mass in YIH, her food loves in school. (that parts really cute! haha) and then to end off, she's like.. hey, u're catholic too? and i nodded and there it was, that smile of like. yep. that's wad its all about.

then after the interview she came out and she's like.. HEY, LETS GO SOON, its time for mass. I think that just says it all.

(i'll post pictures and a sound clip later on, for more of her interview tune in to http://www.radiopulze.com/ or my show blog @ http://www.goonsatnoon.blogspot.com/ for the a podcast of her interview {uploading on week 3 in line with the show theme], her promo for the show and more pictures.)

New Show

2007-08-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

Hey guys!

Check out my new radio show going on air every monday 130 - 3pm!

hear it live on www.radiopulze.com

or check out our blog at www.goonsatnoon.blogspot.com

2007-07-19T10:33:00.000+08:00

Some Pics of tues whereby Mr Wong, Me, Alvin and Mr wong's fren a guy thats quite cool, Nicholas.

Rarely post pics but these were quite nice so i tot why not. haha. I have some really awesome pics of helen too but i dun think she'll want me to post it up. right honey?

2007-07-19T08:57:00.000+08:00

Well,

By now me best mate in NUS would have been in Shanghai already! Its raining heavily cos God's probably like sad for moa too. hahaha.

Its really going to be one very long year indeed because Mr Wong there has been really one of me best mates through these last two years and in fact have been reserved to be one of my best men at my wedding! haha.

I remember like he was the very first person I actually spoke to in nus. It was CNM camp and he came up to me and went like yo, my name is damon. HI. hahaha.

We didnt really like click then becos he was this cheena chinese person i tot who just loved KTVing and singing chinese songs. haha.

Then we started off taking two modules in the first sem - nm and ENGLISH and i remember alr from the start we were doing tutorials tgr. then so many times i'll be like.. ay damon i cant make it for english. sleepy. help me take notes. or, hey damon, i cant make it for tutorial. tell the old woman im sick or something.

haha. then 2nd sem we splashed like so many Nm modules tgr. did 2101 and started the whole gay thing with brokeback mountain as our proj. then 2219 proj did the whole focus grp thing.

but i guess it was in the CNM soc that we really got much closer and the time when we really got tight was after the whole break up. He was the only one that stood wif me. i still rem he went to hk for some leadership conference and when he came back it was during o week.. then there he was wif a box of lao por bing listening to me and confiding in me. naturally before that alr, he was also my counselor when i was talking to him about the sad parts of the then relationship. he really was there through my worst points and best points in that relationship.

so it was in our yr 2 that we started taking like wat 4 modules tgr? each sem! with all the tutorials at the same time too? haha. damn gay but that really started a good ball rolling. so much nonsense, so much confiding, lunches, IKEAs and all later.

It was also good cos he had almost the same grades as me. same ambitions. same everything. and yes of cos, the same outlook in life.

I still rem film and history and all those nights of watching movies. or playing monopoly and he was winning alr then my laptop 'went out of batt' hahaha.

of cos there are just so many good memories and i will really feel this sense of 'lost' in me in the next two sems man. of cos they're still an amazingly huge amount of frens here who i noe care for me but im isolating them at the moment (this is really not my choice but i need some time alone to solve many issues) but damon really was damon.

i still rem that like one day in the lib we were talking about something when he went like wah lau eh. my best fren saying such things about me. damn hurt la

hahaha. and then it dawn on me like wah.. no one's ever called me their best fren do i feel the same way too about this hongkong dude that says my cantonese is broken!?!!! hahaha..

well, aft all that, i do think he's one of my very closest mates so thats y this post is just for him! haha.

dude, whatever happens, enjoy yourself. its a whole new world on there and if i had the balls to do this i would do it. i remember silently feeling quite happy when u failed the first app but in the end i was seriously happy you got it. deep down i was sad cos like i knew that like wah, one yr without this trustworthy mate but still, i was damn happy that ure getting this chance. like u said, its all u ever wanted and im proud of ya mate. but pls dun come back wif an accent, or start speaking more chinese or come back with a controlling, sneaky, possessive shanghai babe. haha. or be a dad. use durex cos china brands aint trustworthy and just have a blast.

enjoy yrself and make sure u like dun end up sick cos like alvin said, hospitals there suck. haha. and well, see you in dec if i could go to shanghai or if u come to hk.

Cheers bro. sometimes words will be hard to just spell out the last 2 yrs of good times man.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway, just an update on me. i haf an anxiety issue. i cant explain it or why its there. it has just popped out overnight and i have spent 3 months trying to clear it but i cant help it becos its still there and it jus stays there. i've decided to seek proper help for it cos its ruining my life. i dun think ppl will understand but all in all, its bad and i hope ppl give me support n understanding n not judge me as loony or wad. its a v real fear. dun ask wad it is. haha. just know that if i dun wanna go out, its not becos of yr new pimple bt becos i need to fully heal myself before i can do the whole socialising thing again.

i noe that once i beat this, i will be stronger than ever before bt its gonna tk time so i pray all of ya support me and love me and just help me out by being the understanding network i noe u to be.

= )

its gonna go. i know its gonna go. i want it gone. wishes.

2007-07-14T16:48:00.000+08:00

There is a muuuultitude of issues bugging me now and trust me, its no longer to do with my virus. I think for that, I have already reached a cross road. It nearly the end of the journey and all I need to do is jump across it.

Its gonna be tough but I must do it. If not I will never be okay.

I really pissed helen off just now as i have simply been too clingy on her these last few months. To me, no one understood what i was going thru becos i myself didnt know why i felt the way i did.

At first, it seemed like i had a reason to be afraid. But as more reassurances came, i just felt that i reached a stage where i din even know why i was afraid. Perhaps there were still SOME answers i needed to know but that is so small. Maybe solving those answers will be the key. But the point is, I have had so many questions, when will i get all my answers? Prob never right. And when i do get them, am i happy with it? Prob not right.

So what can i do.

I need a discharge. I need to pour myself out once and for all. Seriously, I am this close to getting myself in some retreat in church to get rid of all these.

What has happened is that so many many years of fears, worries, doubts, insecurities have crept up on me and all at once i am left to fight this war/fight/watever becos i need to face it. For too long, God has blessed me and he has left me so many routes to run away from. And now, this is one challenge he has given me and I must, I must, I must win this. I am sooo tired from waking up each morning and just being sad.

There's so much to be done becos for so many years i have never been facing my problems. Take my frens for example. I tell myself yes i have alot of them but how many of them are true? each time i take a look ard friendster i get sad

In pri school my best frens disappeared. In sec sch my closest frens were like anton, eugene, yong long, daryl and almost the whole class really. but i chose to isolate them when i went to poly and when i went back to jc, it helped repair it but then its nearly lost. now i see them once a yr. yes its good. but we all have our own lives and then i have lost a chance to really be wif them. or have i? i dunno. i feel like i can do it. but i need so much effort.

its the same in poly. i make frens easily and some became best frens. My whole idea is, who do i have in my support network and why isnt anyone there? is it becos i dun haf frens? NO.

its becos of ME.

I have sooo many issues. my r/s wif my mom? i've complained about her for 10 + yrs alr. but then that day i dreamt of something happening to her and i broke out in cold sweat

so tell me, i love her but hate her at the same time.

there is an avalanche of issues and i wanna/need to face them ALL. all! i need to resolve all these once and for all!!

so, sorry my baby for putting you through this. all these years of issues have caught up but its gonna be better. i'm gonna get better.

2007-07-13T18:13:00.000+08:00

I have a slight fever. Yes, again. And like the whole body has been sensitive and numb again because of the bug. Its one of those weird ones that you don't feel like its there. Just a sore throat and the sensitivity. Nothing more. No runny nose. No really high temp.

But anyway, in this time, I have been thinking, I really need a change. I really need this ONE thing that will make me just get outta this. I dunno what it is. But i know I need it and that its coming as God will provide for me.

If you have a bible, check out theses passages,

Psalms 62, 64, 91, 139, 141, 142, 143.

They really help to keep the peace.

But yeah, I have always had this plan to bring unfortunate kids whose parents dun haf enough money to bring them to the cinema to the cinema and watch a show.

My plan was to have like 100 kids for the first round and maybe more in the future. But 100 kids means only about 700 - 850 bucks. I think its not a problem. But we'll need to find sponsors, a cinema and all.

Anyone wanna do this with me? haha. I need to do something good. I really do. I have spent these 3 months just thinking about life. About it all. And I want to say that I am a good man, a good son, good boyfriend, good brother, good catholic.

I need to start feeling good. And while I am lucky enough to be closer to God now then i have ever been, I still needso much of his courage and strength to do the things that I want to do.

For a long time, I have wanted to do children's cathecism and now I think its really the time. And for the first time the last 24 hrs I have really began reading the bible. So I think bible study is probably another thing I could want to do.

So, God, give me the courage to do the things that I wanna do.

And change me. For once, let me be stronger.

Anyway,

I've thought about it.

Here's some things you shouldn't do if you want to be happy

1. Do not be envious
2. Do not be jealous
3. Look forward
4. Count every blessing
5. Ask yourself each day, are you happy. If you are, good. If not, ask why.
6. CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Theory
7. Trust in God. Real trust.
8. Community Service - Do It. Research has shown that helps! Alot!

________________________________________________________________

Am watching this episode of friends now where Bruce Willis is confessing all his experiences to Rachel because she asked him to open up. Haha. Then he unleashed a whole facet of emotions onto her.

This is funny becos this is EXACTLY what my therapist tells me to do. She says, once and for all, discharge all your inner emotions and bam. You'll be ok.

Wish me luck!

2007-07-12T14:28:00.000+08:00

Was having my birthday Dinner with Helen and the parents yesterday. (after having lunch with helen) and I overheard this bunch of ladies saying,

'oh do you know SCV channel 55 is showing this show...'

And I thought to myself.. SCV?? hahaha. So lame. So old already still say SCV. How retro is that. And so I told that to helen who then went.

'So what is it called now?'

And I'm like.. Starhub Cable Vision?? I mean.. come on, get with the times.

and she's like

Isn't that SCV too?

This makes me feel good too

2007-07-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

Well, another thing that makes me happy. FERNANDO TORRES. Even though he is very expensive. Costs 54 Million pounds. Which is about 162 Million Sing which is more than what my dad, yr dad, yr friend's dad, yr friend's brother's dad, his dad earns.

Next up, Rafa goes to Yun-nan for hair transplants. He wants to look 23 too.

Art From Art Therapy

2007-07-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

Thought i'll post a little bit of stuff from my art therapy.. Which has been going on for about.. 6 sessions? yeah well. enjoy. it makes me feel good.

2007-06-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

well, i've been stuck at home for like. 3 days alr. and you know. one day after another seems like the same. in fact. i havent been out at all for 2.5 days! its insane. i wake up. come to the laptop. till 1030 then watch martha steward apprentice then 1130 watch something random. then 12 is jamie oliver then 1230 floyd in spain then 1 come dine wif me. then 130 5 is chinese show then 5 is spongebob then 530 do something random 6 simpsons. and night alr..

so imagine. jus a couch potato feeling.

im super worried that i might end up being so stuck on this routine that i might jus develop some phobia in going out.

goodness. i need some help. hahaha. and the best part is i m already seeing an art therapist. hahaha. at least i go out then. =)

thanks to all the ppl who've posted!

and to steph and karin who talked to me for the whole aft yest. and of cos helen.

we're hafing quite abit of arguements lately cos im scared to go out for too long at too dusty places and so on and its been taking a toil on her amongst other stuff. but its still great that she continues being so supportive la. at times we fight alot but then i must admit it when it is my fault but then most of the times it jus dissolves itself la and thats good i guess. she's still been amazing.

2007-06-18T15:25:00.000+08:00

Maybe its the holidays or maybe its just the fear of doing anything.

I have been paralyzed by anxiety. Its something i dont know if people realise or feel but i wont wish it on my worst enemies. Because physically i have recovered but mentally it is very difficult. I keep thinking of the worst and the most painful thing is that most times i do not even have to think of it.

It doesn't help of course to get setbacks along the way. Last weekend i suddenly got a call from one of my very old friends marc who asked me to come down and help his catholic society camp and it was really good. Seeing so much people and just being around smiles is VERY uplifting. The whole of april and may was pretty much just spent at home, fearing, recovering and praying. So suddenly having so many people in the camp was just awesome. It made me feel very young and that was amazing.

But by afternoon i suddenly felt feverish and before you know it, i was having a fever. So when the fever comes, everything appears again. Those fears, those worries, those doubts.

And i panicked. And thought of visiting my doctor again. So i called her and got a load of rubbish, arrogant attitudes. So i got braver because of that and got to a GP instead.

There he gave me a passage in the bible.

John chapter 5. And jesus said to the lame man - do you like to be healed and then proceeded to tell him - pick up your mat and get up.

And the lame man did and was healed.

I keep persuading myself that like the lame man, i need to believe in god that i am healed. But its one thing to say that its another to feel it.

Everyone keeps telling me all these in is my mind. And i agree. It is in my mind. Anxiety is not something i would wish on my worst enemy. When i get anxious, the body reacts and yep, the cycle continues.

But its not easy when just as you grew confident, you went out to camps and this and that and then suddenly, just suddenly, you get the flu and almost a good 4 - 5 days of lethargy.

I cannot explain how this feels. At times i get these fainting spells. These complete im gonna faint feeling. But then at times its also just a matter of just feeling that you've got this slight headache that never goes away.

And doctors say take panadol. But parents and helen says dont take so much. So here i am just feeling so lost. Take medicine also wrong, dont take also abit wrong.

Along with my nearly 2.5 months of taking in steroids through the inhalers already, its quite understandable that my body just feels tired and weak. On top of that, i never really had a recovery period for my flu.

Ultimately though, i am just very very desperately looking to be okay. To feel good. I see all the shakineh people getting ready for camp and i just cannot help but feel sad. I want to be there. Arts camp was something that really made me feel very alive last year and if anything i think it will help me. But if i keep panicking like this, feeling so weak, what can i really do there? I dont wanna faint and be remembered as the fainter or something...

Its just been THE TOUGHEST time of my life and i need to pull outta this. To get well once and for all and just be me again but with all the experiences and lessons learnt during these 2 months.

Sorry this is such a depressive post. Whatever it is, please pray for me. That finally i may receive God's full blessings and be delievered away from this test.

Impossible is nothing

2007-05-29T07:54:00.000+08:00

"You will go through tough times - Its about coming through that."

Not that i am a huge David Beckham fan.. but this line means alot.. I must come through this..

Jonah. My hero. Enough said.

Impossible. Is nothing.

Where you start, isn't necessary where you'll end up.

Kept losing. and losing. and losing. but one day, we lost. 6 - 1. and we were happier than the team that won.

Some people ask me, Why do you run, i ask. Why do you stop.

ah yes. back to the point

2007-04-05T21:31:00.000+08:00

ah yes, back to the point. its a hot night really and i have decided to give myself the night off. no switching on my laptop (im using my brother's desktop) and no anything esle. aaron su. tonight, u rest. play some games. chill out. smell some diesel filled air becos of the stupid 173 bus and walk around in your underwear.

hell if there's no one opposite u, do what's neccessary.

i was just sitting on the bus (yes that diesel filled slow to come but fast to leave 173) and i was just thinking of my interviews. its so funny how things turn out.

like i was at this one and this two fudgy looking engineers i suppose came in.. and they start talking about the most random things.. eventually like alvin's interview it did came to 'so, what do u guys like'.. honestly i dont know how this corresponds with the interview but i did think long and hard about it..

shld i say i like women? maybe something like.. oh i love movies.. but do they watch movies? have they heard of the couple seat? what if i said i love movies and they asked me oh what have u watched recently and i go, oh mr bean with some friends and they go like.. wow u have friends?! then how do i react? so immediately i tried turning my brain to engine mode and i was awestruck by my brilliance.. and so i went.. oh u know.. i dont have time for much things beside studying.. and i could almost see them like.. wow! really? cool! thats my hobby too! and drool.. dont u love math.. oh.. those numbers.. those formulas.. oh dont u love the curves on the no.3.. ohhhhh.. oh no.. pardon the erection.. that always happens when im talking about nos.

haha.. and yet on another interview this dude whom is also doing cnm was in the room with me when the interviewers were asking.. so, tell us something about yrself..

and he started off by going.. well, i was thinking of what to tell u.. and i tot i would tell u about my family.. well, my dad? he's was an army captain. -silence-

interviewers go.. er.. thats it?

he goes.. ya..

HAHAHAHAHA!! that my friends, was fucking brilliant!

haha. pls dont think im mocking him though.. he's a nice nice dude. i just tot that was so bloody funneh.

and on the same interview.. they asked us about our hobbies again.. (wads it with hobbies.. didnt i came to apply for a job and not some membership to a CC?) and having a round of answers, they came to me and before i could answer they talked about bowling..

and they were like.. oh u know what is the most played sport in our age group? bowling! and dont u like how its such a common sport.. everyone can play.. but its also so lame la.. its quite individualistic.. and blah blah blah..

then when finally they kept quiet they looked at me.. and was like.. so.. what do u like to do?

and i m like..

bowling?

hahaha.. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.. that face they had.. that moment was the exact time i knew i had the job. haha.. and so.. my advice to u is when they ask u whats yr hobby?

say bowling. gets u far.

ps: the above stereotypes about engineers are not all true. pls do not hurt the author with compasses and rulers and calculators.. if you do find it offensive pls go think about numbers.

And the cluelessness of having too much at your hand

2007-04-05T20:29:00.000+08:00

I've always wondered how some ppl i know could balance like 19 things at a time and still come up with what to me seems like a very cool and winning situation.

With so much essays and projects due along with all this new directions and stuff for radiopulze aka the nus student's deejay club. its like mediacorp and their respective stations, i am getting tired.

nevertheless, this whole staying in school business is really somehow managable.

As my 2nd yr comes to a close, there's a huge bunch of choices i have to make and it doesnt come easy. perhaps im lucky, perhaps im just fortunate or maybe, just maybe there is some skills because each internship application i have sent out has came back with a positive response. usually i do the, aiyah i just send first la.. send already then see what comes.. but when it all comes to u at one shot.. wow, thats a real toughie..

im been accepted for this southeast asian summer school program which basically makes us stay at kent ridge for 5 weeks before trooping you to some of the countries in the SEA. this is quite the popular choice. also, ive ended up being accepted into 3 internships including one working with some people's association.. but its a coin toss between the summer school or the internship.. what this does is to make me choose and its going to be tough.. choosing summer school really is as good as saying i got to do honours. because if i dont do an internship now and i still dont make it pass year 3? im going out to the workforce with absolutely NO EXPERIENCE. and that, is scary.

so what am i going to do? i think i'll choose the summer school. because i want to do honours.. i need to show ppl that fucking up can still be turned around if u work hard enough.. and i hope working hard will eventually get me somewhere..

maybe its the whole shaggy look damon always say i have but i am getting quite tired of ppl telling me i'm slack, im lazy.. its nonsense. i check 3 email accounts each day of which not one day since year 2006 has it been empty.. and i work work work not jus on school projects but all these organisations i get myself into as well. so really, its time to stop calling me slack.. i am anything but..

finally, the one reason why i am alil sore today is this civil engineering club who i have been trying to negotiate with for nearly a week to pick up our services. it was a bumper deal, 380 bucks for a 4 hr event. how nice is that.. but at the last min today they called up to say that their boss has found someone cheaper...

and i must say, that is quite painful.. 380 lost just like that.. in many respects, i do not believe that we should be asking for that amount anyway.. thats tough.. there really is a difference btwn say an oreo cheesecake baked at home sold on a blog and the oreo cheesecake from NYDC.. i think both cheesecakes would taste good but one has to price it according to ones limitations. and in continuously pushing these limitations we're really just asking to be rejected.

nevertheless, all these rejections make me learn. on basic dealings with ppl.. trust, foundations and most of all, what i call a deceptive truth. business and management could really turn one evil.

the sunset.

2007-04-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

you would think that after blogging and blogging nearly 12 - 15 posts and editing even more within a week that i would get scared about blogging but strangely i feel like blogging more and more now.
its like heroin i guess. glad to see that after a year of not blogging, hailee is back doing what he can do best. haha. unfortunately, the entry is pretty much just scolding someone whom im sure he will tell me when the time comes to meet for our half yearly dinner. haha. he's still a good friend that fat white guy.

so i hosted again yesterday at sentosa. yah yah.. sentosa.. i got excited when i heard of that too but hey, this is proof that even if u held an event right in the middle of times square u still need good organisation. so the organisers, a bunch of just grad from jc kids decided to get together 14 mat bands playing heavy mental (no spelling error there, they drove me nuts) and all the time, me and pat, me big jolly phillipina host were made to constantly say go to the booth and buy the CD which will all be for charity. but at no time were we told what this charity we're contributing to was? so we just kept going. yo pepz, check out the CD sales at the booth..

and overall, i mean, u need ppl.. my audience was like.. 8 at the highest peak point? and these 8 were made of SAJC cheerleaders whose prog was later cancelled by the way (can u imagine, u come at 1pm in the aft becos u were told to report at 1pm even though yr slot was at 7pm? and then at 5, the organisers told u its cancelled?) yeah.. shiok ah

then, our own thing, they said soundcheck's at 1pm? but then by 2 the band's not here yet and the mics werent given to me and pat.. so we're like.. woo.. lets go swim.. which i did.. and took in a suntan as well (aww come on its sentosa) then finally at 3pm the band came and they're like.. yo.. gimme my ramlee burger and i can start..

so there we were.. announcing bad band aft bad band and all was downhill till, yes, helen came.. in her CAP she clearly made my day.

but back to the point, this clearly shows that events organising could be big business, alot of ppl really need help.

on the plus point, band no.11, a new band called the sunset strips were really good. nice vocals, nice ORIGINAL music and really good musicians overall. polite, very easy going and very cool. and yes, they were malay. so here me out here, i dont think all malay bands are bad. im definitely not racist, my ears just work well.

yep, so next time u hear the sunset strips, check them out. they're good.

i have pictures but they are blurred. haha. so.. u jus had to imagine this whole experience. =)

projects due, good friday's here. its gonna be a slow week. =) on the plus side, my baby's birthday is on friday. so, just wish her happy birthday but no need the best wishes, she's already got the best in me. hAha. =)

take care babies.

@ week 11

2007-03-27T13:54:00.000+08:00

for some reason my southeast asian blog looks much better than my own blog even though they are using the same template.

i guess a picture collage at the corner really helps. haha. it takes yr mind away from all the words..

so check it out, the SEA blog is at

seafoodfinds.blogspot.com

im not sure if this is a link so jus copy and paste!

much work needs to be done on this template to make it look decent but i hope that will be done soon. =) work awaits. lotsa work in fact. haha

Aaron

2007-03-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

whats up whats up people.

i think it might be time soon to change my blogskin again. this time, i might just revert back to the skins that are already given by blogger.

this is strange you think but its not that weird indeed for what i used to think is unique and customization has been completely and utterly untrue. while we may get skins from all over that we find to be unique and different from all these 'normal' templates that we are provided with in blogger, these templates we take from the www are in fact, the characterisation of the very ppl who designed the templates. hence when u say ure unique, its not true, for u are just using someone's else's skin and pretending that it is yours.

and in that aspect, this skin thing really translate to real life. often, we dont want to take the things that r preset, that has already came our way. and so we look for things that looks good and then we evolve into it. and hopefully when the evolution is done we just paste it over us and then pretend again that the pasted over look is now who we really r.

like the skins blogger provides, we are all black, white, brown, yellow. american, aussie, african, chinese, indian.. so what differentiates us is taking these preset skins from blogger and adding in elements that only U have..

so where i used to think i am different by adding in elements i thought i had. now i realise that it is better to use the presets.

in a way it is saying that i know who i am. and all i need to do is change it softly.

but more importantly, this post addresses those who believe that they need to do different things to differentiate themselves. that is not the case. u r who u r and u should be proud of it. not just proud. very proud.

dont look in the mirror and tell urselves that u r fat today. look in the mirror and say i am hot. my hair looks good. my penis is huge and ppl will love me.

and for that dude i know who has been a constant pal for me since my 2nd yr in nus,

i say to u,

look at the mirror and ask yourself what u truly want. if u believe that what u have chosen is the right way, the good way, then stop thinking about it. but if u feel that u made a boo boo, and u need to correct it then correct it. if ure standing on the line then stand straight on the line. dont lean to the left or to the right and then cry over spilled milk. or as u would say, dropped water.

whatever the case, make a choice, follow it and most importantly, do not, i repeat, do not regret.

whatever it is, many pursuit of happiness days are available to u. just let me know when u need it.

cheers mates.

2007-02-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

Yep, i have a new blogskin and i think its very nice. new year, new skin..

there's alot to say once you start blogging. i dont know about you but everytime i actually do blog i find that when i notice something after that, i have this moment in my head that straight away makes me go into blog mode. like i'll think of wat to say in my own head as if i am blogging.. strange right. neh mind. thats me, strange.

reading last saturday's newspapers bothered me alot. it seems for certain that in no sooner than our children's lifetimes, this world as we know it might jolly well end.. that's quite sad indeed because if we really looked at it, she has been here for a very very very long time. alot of ppl look at it like, its 2007 .. means only 2000+ years wad.. rubbish.. she's been here for millions of years. and look at us, within 2 generations, we've destroyed it.

i understand that it is easy talking about it but i feel that in this whole time of 'we're going to die soon-ness' one must ask himself why there is the need for all the various 'problems' that we are having right now.

i feel that these issues, selfishness for oneself, achieving grades, social politics, image all become very secondary. granted i am not going to be going to school in leaves ala nature mode but honestly speaking, i feel that in a way, our culture in this society , in this generation more than anything is wat's destroying the earth today.

overfishing because of global population increases, over eating. H5N1.. look at it this way.. it came from YOU. YOU n ME. strange isnt it that we dont notice..

everyday, our whatever attitude is what's killing us all.. morally, physically and now.. environmentally.

i find it very depressing for example, this situation with my mom and perhaps all chinese people.. every yr, for some strange reason, all chinese households take out perfectly usable things and throw it away for some reason again no one knows..

i have 2 DVD players for eg and my mom gets one more because it can record down her tv shows. she buys alot of feng shui items and not to forget furniture and so on. then every yr, she takes out perfectly good items and throws it away.. for no reason at all except that inbuilt mentality that you must throw away something in order to fully 'understand' what new yr is about. that's nonsense. and these are the people that in fact, has killed mother earth.

and these are the things we need to change.. we need to start with culture.. wtf is with this whole cleaning thing anyway.. all the items are alr nicely placed like a winning game of tetris. and they bother no one? not harm done but visual clutter. so why the sudden urge to clean up clean up clean up just because chinese new yr is approaching. i jus find that absolutely ridiculous. wad's worst is that in the midst of all these clean ups, her temper is usually lost on us.

its not the first time. in fact, this could probably be like the 15th yr anniversary she's done that. polluting and harming family ties. is this traditional clean up for the sake of clean up necessary?

i think many ppl in singapore and the globalised world dont realise this but as a geog student understanding water cycles, the clearest example to me that global warming can and will fuck us up sooner rather than later is the rainfalls already.

highest rainfalls in 100 yrs. and if u dont know hw that came about, its easy..

global warming increases world temperature leading to polar ice caps melting leading to more water in oceans along with higher temperatures leading to more moisture clouds forming leading to more rain which leads to floods and shit.

just because it din hit singapore dont mean we wont suffer from it. think about it, if one day, all the major cities in the world had natural diasters and we're the only one not hit, where do u think all the refugees would go. and dont get me wrong here, refugees dont just mean black ppl with no money. if one day new york and all the american northern hemisphere powerhouse cities like london gets submerged its very likely yr pepz like thump and hilton will somehow find yr way down here to our little red dot. and for every thump and hilton there's a abramovich and gillette.

if u're sick of sharing buses with so many ppl now alr, imagine what it could be like if we're the only city left standing.

i think we must see that our parents have fucked up the world bad with nonsensical traditions and capitalism and shit..

its time we took stock and did some recovering stuff for our planet and our future.. stop fucking ard with the world.. if you cant champion great causes at the very least be more aware about it.

Su.

2007-02-01T00:35:00.000+08:00

Well its 1237 on this 1st of Feb and officially, i have stepped down from the CNM Society.

Its weird but it is such a bittersweet feeling. on one hand, i am glad i no longer get emails bout work on aaronsu@cnm.sg but on the other hand i am sad that i no longer get emails about work on aaronsu@cnm.sg..

Life is like that isnt it, when you get overworked, you complain, when you get off it, you complain. this reminds me of today when my mom was complaining about my shirt - how i wore a new shirt and then when im putting on my socks she was complaining about how my socks are old. so its like when i wear new shirt she complain, when i wear old stuff she complain. haha. ok.. u get the point.

but yes, its sad that its finally over. one yr seemed to have came so fast, so quickly, so swift.

i've said this to all of them thru emails but since i like to do things in 3s as u know.

this is for the seven of u,

ling 'jie'
kim 'jiawen'
irys 'yanting'
nilar 'no nickname'
kuan 'auntie killer'
chien hao 'no nickname'
and damon 'gay partner'

thanks guys. for being part of a really good group. = )

2006-12-16T13:39:00.000+08:00

while waiting for michelle to come i tot i might as well do some blogging since there is so much to say..

hey i like this keyboard in the studio.. niceee.. haha.. anyway, there's just alot to say..

KL is coming up in like, a few days time and i am just so glad.. for once in a long long time, i am actually wishing that i end up in KL sooner rather than later.. as you'll know, its been an exhausting semester. so much things done within 4 months that i can hardly believe that its all over. started out with so much camps and then spent a good long month doing up the proposal for stompaids. then there's the avalanche of projects and finally the good long exams. ha. amazing.

but i think what finally got me thinking about the whole issue of time was wad, tues? wed? when i was in city link with helen and i saw nat. and it just basically made me realise that i have so many many people to catch up to and to meet and just show some concern about their lives and their whole presence as a whole. for one, i din even know nat had came back for close to half a year already.

not to mention seeing justin and celena some weekends back which made me realise that i just havent been keeping tabs with ALOT of people.

then of cos, there's stef, whom i still owe money to, kenneth, whom i still havent got around to consoling him about his break up (it seems many many ppl ard me are breaking up aft long term relationships. wonder whats going on, isnt this the season for GIVING?) [bro, in the most non gay manner of showing concern - i hope ure fine.] haha. but i think u'll be ard for quite some time in singapore right? u can always come to nus and play soccer with us.. one ball chased by many balls usually does wonders.

n then of cos gd ol hai lee whom only this week asked me if i was free. but of cos the man has schedules so if we dont find the perfect match, its hard. haha.

and similarly the lovely shakinehs like daffy who asked a really good question here, where have i been? ha. honestly, i dont know, all i know is i am packed with vacation plans, driving plans, and tons more of other workloads. hence, if u ask me, i too cannot tell u. but hey, if u guys are really on about dinner on wednesday, im free fer sure. at least i'll try my best to be. ya? hugs.

also, last but not least, harris! boy we need to go out and get wasted one day so u'll stop blogging about the same thing. haha. =)

oh well, after doing my first recording (actually like nearly third or fourth alr), i will be heading down to newton (or as aaron goh, whom i met about a month ago in town with sharon, so cute, they're still going out tgr.. so cute.. says, new - en.) to meet the boys from barker people like anton, kunxi and all them other nice folks. ha

im praying now we wont end up going to play dota. becos the last time we had a reunion we ended up playing lan. boys.. we need to grow up, hence i pray they'll say.. lets go watch SAW 3. yeah! blood.. gore! mutilation! i likeeee..

2006-12-02T13:40:00.000+08:00

ah yes im back. well the exams are not exactly over but having done the hard parts i guess its time for me to relax a little while.

i was sleeping through the day this morning when suddenly i jus felt this incredible need to blog. and so, here i am.. blogging..

lets talk about stuff shall we..

first, studies.
studies are very strange things.. for one, u'll want to get it over and done with as much and as fast as u can..then when ure done alr, u feel this sudden surge of sadness over u.. like.. wah.. everything's over.. and in about 3 sems time it will be over.. now people say 3 sems is a short time! but lo and behold, ive already gone through 3 sems and it din take that short a time..

this sem has been a hard and toiling one.. the climax of which was after advertising on tues when i went to pick up my film and hist papers.. there's just something about doing badly in it that hurts me alot.. all this while ive been doing way above my own standards (or maybe as the teachers ard me put it - u;ve been achieving the grades hard work could get u)

so suddenly when i get like !@#!!! i think to myself... !@#!!!

its depressing.. to know that all along ure getting an A and before u know it, PAO.. B or max B+ congrats mr su.

its very much like having the best main course of yr life and then getting a char siew pau for yr desert.. totally uncalled for..

the rest have been sweet. nice marks for advertising and media and globe.. and of cos, brilliance for theatre. there's something about theatre that if i were living in a world of apples and pears, i'll do it..

food. yes, i talk alot about food.

on that note, heres a paragraph for tai hang..
tai hang, its been very good doing 4 modules with u. i think it sucked that we used a CNM style for film n hist cos that was why we got marked so badly. wad that proves though is that we are good cnm students. but possibly horrible other major students. haha. for the next sem, lets try to keep it to 4 modules as well.. seeing u for 5 modules might spark off gay issues. and lets not forget old man and sek si gau. try to do some with them too. haha..

next, lets talk about exchange programs..

i wanna go overseas but for sure, without doing brilliantly this sem.. i cant.. and so i'm left to ask myself the very sad question.. will i go overseas?

my mother, who doesnt know too much, tells me.. i'vebeen saving.. but now im scared to let u go.. so if u dont go.. i'll buy u a car..

a car..

or 6 months without her..

haha..

three..
periods..

girlfriends with periods are VERY VERY dangerous people.. for all those who dont have a gf, lemme tell u.. when u do, watch the isles of march.. of the isles of every month for that matter.. its scary..

but i still love u helen.. =)

watching a play tonite.. sounds like fun..

saw aaron goh and sharon yest.. i miss these kids..

so, for dec, what will be the plan? i tell u wad will be the plan

first thing.. go do my FTT, pass that shit and book my practical.

then go JAyBeE with that indian mirzan.. oops.. indian muslim mirzan haha.

pay stef her money.. as and when she's free (see, women.. always scolding u.. say ure not fr
see la.. blah blah blah.. then msg u one day before she leaves and goes, hey aaron! meet me!) =)

my secondary sch frens are having a gatherin. so cute. i'll prob feel old.. i think a good half of them should be working by now..

KL.. wads new..

and new years.. its gonna be a happy happy new years..

2006-11-11T20:11:00.000+08:00

interestingly enough, a very busy aaron decides that maybe its time to post. suddenly today i feel completely un-motivated to do anything..

spent a few moments today amid a busy time to check out helen's new place. she's moving! to boon lay! a mere 4 train stops from my place compared to 18 stops.

yet, previewing the flat that they'll be moving to seems just a little.. out of the blue.. we were previewing it when this very nice malay uncle started telling us which ones were good and he was literally following us.. after a while, i began to realise.. oh waiiit.. he thinks we're married and we're previewing OUR flat!

initially, that wasnt such a bad thought.. until u start realising the cost of owning one. it makes u feel quite strange.. at tis age, we keep talking only about can we make it? but i mean.. even if u pass the whole stage of not getting jealous alr, not worrying.. jus trusting.. u reach this whole new stage of finances.. house, car, kids, medical bills.. u noe..

doesn't tat sound worrying? maybe thats why kids in asia stay with their parents till they're like 30..

i dunno. that jus makes me feel so surreal i cant start doing anything.

have a re write to do, along with preparation for theatre.. dunno why but rather than act i decided to do directing.. which is.. well..fucked up.. but this sem has just been like that, doing the things i never thought i wanted to do.. but after persuasion i jus ended up doing it..

its independence, its just achieving.. its.. being abit more ambitious..

oh well..

2006-10-21T21:27:00.000+08:00

YES!!!! CONTRAST IS OVER!!!!

haha.. ppl in the whole organising team will probably not be as happy as me that its over but I AM.. its been a tough time being in this.. not so much because i had to act like i was interested in something that i wasnt.. without a doubt i was glad that we did it, had a nice team that worked their butt off while i just went about doing the auntie (sometimes uncle) killing act and getting everything as cheap as possible.. i mean, it was nice going SOC, seeing all these interested ppl doing their thing.. but still,

the meetings, the amount of hours reduntantly doing things were just.. too much for such a small event..

still learned and experienced alot though.. but yes.. its over! HAHA. woo!

now its all about work..

i was to write like three things about my life so far i thought was worth remembering so here goes -

1. i got sick. very sick. one after another after another. i dont normally know if ppl get like this but i dont think u get a fever then get yr wisdom tooth pulled out then get food poisoning. that's just freaking sad. and because of that i missed two shakineh outings.. which is sadder.. i miss those crazy ppl alot.

2. school doesnt allow u to get sick i realise. NUS timetable/module planners never occurred to themselves that hey, ppl DO get sick, life DOES turn bad sometimes and there might be some outside problems at times. i was sick for a week and now i have a mountain of webcasts to catch but thankfully no assignments due late or anything. on that, i got a double tick for film n hist. thats like A+.. sweet..

3. pls, my cnm juniors, if possible, dont take 2220. it kills u.

somethings i still have to do,

advertising project coming up soon.. but i love my grp.. its been a pleasure doing work wif u guys.. kate, damon, lex and alvin.. honestly its been a pleasure..

media and globe coming up soon.. again its damon n lex along wif kimberly tan jiawen..

ts pract coming up.. but hey, its acting.. wont kill me.. im acting everyday.. me n helen were paired tgr and nearly got the most votes for being the best acting pair in pract. hahha.. we lost by a mere4 votes.. apparently one of my life's greatest weak points is that i mumble.. SO WAT.. i like mumbling.. i think its sexy.. if u cant hear, do wat old ppl do.. get hearing aids.. from NTUC, got discount.

film n hist BIG ESSAY DUE.. damon wans to do on the buddy holly story.. i told him im doing on harold n kumar.. he laughed..

2220 breaking news n press release due soon.. hopeful profile i had an A.. then i dun need to worry bout this two..

think i can still get on dean's list?

on that note, thanks kim, dap,stef,xinyi.. for the nice tagboard condolences.. appreciate it..

time to sleep. haha. i doubt my entries will sound any nicer than this for awhile. =)

2006-10-06T08:15:00.000+08:00

and this is now a friday and im so tired. finally fallen down and gotten sick.. its quite bad as well; my throat is so sore i cant even talk. not to mention the whole headache trails and the very very numb body.. you just feel like resting on the bed the whole day..

still, im quite glad that happened.. im getting so tired that now i finally have an excuse to rest the whole day. not to mention these pills i have to eat now (5 kinds totalling 7 pills!!) totally knock me out into endless hours of sleep.. sure you wake up feeling supremely tired again but somehow i know im resting.. still though, i ended up missing 4 lectures and one tutorial.. hope that doesnt come back and bite me in the end..

intro to media writing is a killer module. if you asked me, i'll prob ask you never to do it. esp when you're on a 5 module sem. there're like at least 4 or 5 seperate sideline projects that you have to each totalling only about 10 - 15%.. its too much work for too little an amount of percentage you get my drift?

i miss those camp days when you slept very late and u din need to worry about tmr.. today shakineh's supposed to have a mooncake thing but i think im too sick for it.. dont wanna pass the bug to everyone esle.. especially not now when its project due dates soon..

i dont like getting sick.. but i love the fact i can laze ard.. and worry but not worry about it..

god lemme get this sem over and done wif and let me do well for it..

2006-09-29T15:59:00.000+08:00

i think it finally gets to you on just how busy you really are when you realise that another guy has placed yr gf's blog on his links in his blog before you did. thanks harris = )

looking back i think its nearly 2 months since i've posted properly. suddenly all these camps seem so far away. all those nights of staying in - laughing, bathing in pang's chinaman hall toilet.. seeing helen's hair all wet and sexy.. suddenly they just seem very far away.

and these very people whom you've come to laugh with and love with suddenly become busy in their own right. its nobodies fault. i just hope i havent drifted too far.

looking at it time when you're in school flies damn fast. its already the END of my midterm break. and im here, in SOC, where normally u'll never see me, typing this while looking at some equally bored people doing a game design competition. its hard to be an event organiser. tsk tsk. hahahahha.. woots..

suddenly though, exams seems very near. projects seems ending soon. the many sideline events u do seem to be piling up. everyone's suddenly asking aaron. give me yr commitment! give me yr time. but i dont have anymore for you guys! im seriously running out of energy. haha.. dont ask me why i thought that was funny. i just tot it was. = )

lets see.
for 3201, i still havent even found e time to do a proper projection discussion. and its alr oct.
film n hist is killing me.
advertising which i tot was so strong suddenly becomes very finely balanced on the lines. its a make or break right now. and i dunno where exactly we are.
media writing. so many contacts. so many stories available to do. but just so lil time to do it. how? profiles - interviews - breaking news.. perry's really put too much sideline projects into this. and its not even worth much ..
ts - ah ts.. what will i do with u .. what will i do without u.. actings always gonna be fun.. still, a 35% grade on yr first test isnt a good thing. = )

annnnd so, as it is..

im drained.. and its only e 6th week. i need a sentosa break. and one where i dint have to go to school the next morning..

i have a dream. and im gonna make it come true.

2006-09-07T11:26:00.000+08:00

aaron.

ure really quite a dumbass to feel like this.

right, left.. if both doesnt lead u anywhere..

then where next?

2006-09-03T10:55:00.001+08:00

took this from xinyi's blog.. i honestly think the man is such a wise man. he keeps telling everyone that he's yr friend and u keep buying his stuff and u dun even know why. the other day helen was just askin me like 'baby why do u have so many paul frank stuff' and im like.. hey u noe.. thats a really good question.. WHY the hell do i have so much of his stuff anyway. i've got his boxers, slippers, t shirts.. and they pretty much costed quite a bomb. and usually, its just one monkey or something like that..

in fact, before i bought the shitload of his stuff.. i used to like ask my bro, why the hell do u wanna spend so much money on a monkey tshirt.. now?! its ME who has more monkey man stuff than him..

i think i ended up persuading myself his stuff is worth it simply by calling him the monkey man. supposedly the fact that the whole term was rather cutesy made me buy his stuff more.

paul frank is yr friend. well FRIEND, i wan some free shirts. aint that wad FRIENDS are for? woots.

on a more personally related note, i realise there is this whole plot of space on the left hand side of my blog.. god knows why its so empty but i feel like im jus wasting something.. woo, is it a time for a new skin? goodness why am i never satisfied. haha. anyway..

i;ve also decided to post everything in a LARGE font from now onwards.. no people, its not that im getting older and cant see..

i jus care too much for u guys to make u blind wif the small words. = )

2006-08-28T11:30:00.000+08:00

you know, it never bothers u that ure a uni student until the time tutorials start. all the time before ure just like.. woo.. happy days kinda thing..

then suddenly u tell yrself u got to sleep early on a sunday night becos ur first damn tutorial of the day is @ 10 freaking am on a monday morning AND that, is when u realise how sucky it could get.

no more buffets at sakura, no more telling yrself u still got time left to slack.. no more coming in at 4pm on mondays to go over to LT 11 to enjoy a nice little movie.

sad.

2006-08-23T20:22:00.000+08:00

http://media34b.libsyn.com/mndteJV2aXuYeGZ4aHadqGatZXHH/podcasts/mb/tmbs-060822-a_harmless_podcast.mp3

u need to hear this. u just need to. its a must. you need to hear this. you must. you should. you will regret it if u dont hear it. its all for u. just u. yes u. no one esle but u.

hear it.

(actually everyone needs to hear it. hear it!)

an extract.

2006-08-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

Go for broke at freshers’ week and enjoy the freedom to make mistakes.

The times Thursday aug 17th

There is no greater freedom granted to students than the freedom to make mistakes. And there is no better time to make them than in freshers’ week.

Throughout this week, you’ll make many new friends, with whom you will roam the campus and city as if joined at the hip (this will last about 3 weeks when you realise that they are mostly weird or boring and then you’ll spend the rest of your year trying to avoid them)

It is different at every university but the basics are the same. Pub crawls, disco bruises, ill advised snogging and showers of useless free gifts.

The biggest event will be the freshers’ fair where an infinite variety of societies will compete for your subscriptions. It will be tough to predict which ones are worthwhile, so join loads. Many of the interesting sounding ones will turn out to be rubbish but other clubs may prove your best investment. There will be opportunities to save the world or at the very least, meet attractive people who want to do so.

It is one of the worst oversights that the most expensive week in your social life is also the one in which you’re buying your textbooks. The most difficult concept to get your head around is why the library only have 3 copies of an indispensable text which 100 people on your course needs in the same week.

If you do have a choice of lecture times, do not choose the early ones.

The best part of freshers’ week is other people. No matter how eccentric you are, there will always be people who understand you or who make you look exuberant and suave by contrast.

You will soon be going on en masse to inexpensive restaurants where you should leave the calculation of the bill to someone else. One diner will always underpay and you will have to announce in screechy tones that you do not have enough. Eventually, you will give up and pay the difference, doubling the cost of your meal and earning yourself a nickname such as the major.

In all probability, you will have a whale of a time. So enjoy it, keep the memories and don’t let go.

2006-08-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

ahhh.. finally 3 months have passed and the new school term is about to begin!!

arts camp, CNM camp and subsequently arts O week has came and gone and without a doubt i have taken away a tremendously large amount of memories from all these camps. from doing it to planning it to being an ogl.. its really taught me alot and without a doubt i have taken away wif me a ton of new friends, family and many many lovely moments and tons of pictures!

there's so much i wanna say so here goes.

for one, thank u irys.. so much for coming out and saying the things ive been saying for so long. i guess ppl only understand things when both parties emerge to say it and im glad u did say the things u said.. i want yr new blog address!! haha.. im still linking to yr old one.. so yeah!! new blog addy! haha.. i hope u received my msg wishing u good luck for yr concert that day cos i sent it to mingxuan but she din get it.. =p i have 2 classes wif u! so yay! see u ard in school.. = )

2nd, i think i realllllllly maxed out my weekend well man! sat i spent clearing my table! now it loooks soooo clean.. then i took out my whole load of notes and brought it to school.. then i cleared all my files.. then cleaned out my locker in school.. fixed my specs wich helen broke.. then transferred in all the money from the cnm fund. brought the cnm tshirts to sch for kuan, damon and jianhao.. took fang's jeans 2 sch too.. cleaned out my cupboard. took out some shirts to iron.. then today i went over to starhub, got my new fone!!!!! omg its the LG CHOCOLATE FONE!! hahahha.. do u noe how bloody sexy it looks!! its soooooo sweeet! like some bloody hot babe in my hands. u jus gottta love it!!! annnnd u noe the best part of that??

the best part was! i went to starhub.. and my dad alr suddenly had this 200 dollar voucher? so i went there and im like.. shit man.. this choc phone doesnt really have alot of good functions.. so i was looking thru the nokia N70 which was god hell of a bulky.. then took over to the 6233.. then my no. was called and i asked to see the LG.. and booooy.. once u see it.. u jus HAD to buy it!! haha.. it jus looks soooo good... and i noe i noe.. ive always been buying things on how good it looks lk my fujitsu and my V3.. but this TIME!! this time! im sure its a pretty good buy.. anyyyyway.. i was sitting there.. and i tossed in my old nokia to trade it.. and suddenly i was looking at a free fone! n that was when suddenly.. the dude at the counter went.. hey sir.. wait a min.. according to yr acct.. u have a further 98 dollar discount.. and so here it is.. free fone.. no need to trade in.. and now i have 3 fully functional fones.. not one.. one 2.. but 3

all diff brands.. i dunno wad to say..

AND!! on top of that, daddy decides to cross over to see his cable tv package and thats when he realises he's been paying the shit out of his cable bill so now.. we're on a new package.. N we're saving money!! and now.. i HAVE a movie channel!! star movieS!!!!

annnnnd.. in the morning.. i went to st marys and suuuuddenly.. priest comes up to me.. HELLO SON.. and im like.. HARLOOOOO.. and he starts asking me stuff about myself and before u noe it.. he asks me to be a cathecist!!! thats like.. religious teacher.. and im like.. ME?!!! haha.. nnnnn to make things worst.. he asked me to be a YOUTH cathecist.. and im like.. ME!?!! so now.. im technically a cathecist.. so every sunday.. i'll be teaching youths about god..

jesus u better be there to help me out on this.. hahahaha..

on a final note.. everything has been moving really nicely really smoothly lately... free fone.. modules settled.. OH YEAH.. I HAVE A FIVE DAY WORK WEEK!! so i guess everything ISNT perfect.. haha.. but i am still nevertheless glad for everything..

for helen being where she is right now.. for good mates taking tutorials wif me.. for good lectureres coming my way.. for everything.. life's really in a nice nice swing right now..

i hope it stays that way forever..

2006-08-02T09:43:00.000+08:00

just checking out the various blogs on offer and chanced upon justin's.. n lo and behold, blaring on the background is probably the ONLY chinese song i ever listen to .. jay chou's theme song for initial D..

and that song jus immediately brings me back to the time the show was on.. i remembered when i heard that song the mood i felt and how i wanted to translate that same mood back to irys.. but as all things were in our relationship that mood gradually faded.. it was a really sweet song.. the type that u really do jus wanna drive out to some place really cool, really gentle, really sweet.. and be in the arms of the one u know will never move out from yr embrace..

i took awhile over the weekend to slowly remember all the things that have embodied us.. one thing i'll never forget though is the rocks.. it'll always be somethin i rem from that whole 10 months..

i dont assume that i'll ever find that same level of comfort again with her but i do wish one day i could be as near her as possible without feeling like its been a real torrid of a time during that 10 months.. because it wasnt.. there were some nice moments.. when i wrote wad i did on the rocks that day.. i had hoped that it'll always be there to symbolise how we'll always be there..

but my childish romanticism was not meant for her. and life goes on.

was online wif jackson though and i jus gotta say.. just because me and irys aint a couple anymore doesnt mean our friends got to split. personally ive always dreaded this ending.. but i hope everyone who knows us personally understands that our break up was done really nicely and smoothly.. we both treat other now as friends and in time we could even be close friends.. i dont want an irys group or an aaron group because we still have so much to offer as a community of friends.. i still hope that we could sit in the same rows in lectures as we always did. there was no bastard or bitch in this world thing and nobody was to blame.. for us, the song just ended and we both now could find a song that truly fits us.. there's no need to be on any side because nobody was right or wrong.. i dont think we both want any seperation becos we both love friendships and it'll be really devasting if some were broken because we ourselves were broken..

this song now switches focus.. and yesterday.. that mood really came about..

i mean, like ive said.. to me, this song was about heading to somewhere u din noe. with someone u could venture forth wif.. and my company yesterday was everything i needed her to be.. i loved it when u came out of the movie all sad n soft n sobbery.. they got together! but you still made it seem like it was a sad love story.. wasnt it sweet though, when he asked her for a walk.. and that had the words there, kate, thanks for the walk.. =) wasnt the whole tree planting really sweet too? and yes..

'this book won't be published for a few yrs yet but i hope that by seeing it, u'll realised how much yr dad had actually loved you in his heart..' omg that made me cry like a running tap man..

wasnt that sweet too?

sandra bullock and keenu are simply a very strong couple.

it was really nice though just sitting buses with you the entire day.. i've never had a girl send me home before.. so im sorry i felt so weird about it.. i hope you enjoyed yr 3 bus rides though.. rem i had a poem entitled bus ride before?

maybe i shld change it.. becos now i know not all bus rides can be that boring..

i love how simple things can be with you.

everyday with you has been a really sweet dream i dont ever want to wake up from...

blame justin for this being so emotional. = )

yay.. having steamy dinner later! woots! STEAMY!!!!! i just realised my grp only got 3 guys. n one of them is matthew so its as good as 2 guys. im soooo screwed..

2006-07-30T08:37:00.000+08:00

you know how the world works right. for every funny guy there's usually like twenty very lame posers. and so here i was sitting through a very very very painful 3.5 hrs of consecutive theory lessons when during the second session lo and behold, i met the singaporean version of peetah wussell.. the very pirated version of the much funnier indian comedian.. and as all pirated stuff are, the man was scratchy, lame and often makes u feel like pulling out yr hair.

and so there i was, alone, bored to tears when mr wussell decides to unleash his series of really bad jokes in class.

i always always always find it strange that these students of lame dont take the hint.. if u eat a whole chilli u will feel the heat and drink water, when u release some wet shit u naturally take some toilet paper and wipe whatever u could away.. and so it strikes me these baboons dun get the law of naturals. which is to say, if a whole classroom of old men, old women, young hormonal boys and girls DONT laugh and u can hear the sound of ants then SOMETHING isnt right..

could it painfully be.. that yr joke is really just nt funny??

but instead of stopping, our graduates of the lame dun stop there. they make MORE lame jokes and to compensate for their inability to make U laugh.. wad they do is, THEY LAUGH themselves.. and they dun jus laugh.. they laugh VERY LOUDLY.. its like to let everyone know.. hey.. MY JOKE WAS FUNNY..

eventually i came to the resolution that the next time i come for these stupid theory lessons im going to do one simple thing. bring a pair of mirrors and when ppl like wussell decides to engage in his lameness, run over to him and place the damn mirror in front of his face and scream to him.. THE FUNNIEST JOKE FROM U IS THE ONE REFLECTING BACK ON U!!!

now that.. is a haha joke.. muhahahaa..

now here comes the part 2 of this story.. u know how they say for every mountain there will be one higher? (chinese idiom) n here comes the best part.. what mr wussell did, was to release the tiger within this auntie sitting in the corner..

she was really jus quiet.. silent.. but wussell's interference was like.. the key to the black chest!

nw.. WE ALL know.. aunties ARE NOT FUNNY.. the only skills they have in life are used for shouting.. ONE KOPI O NO SUGAR NO MILK.. n so, when mr wussell released the hidden tiger within the auntie.. boy.. were we all screwed..

similar to wussell, our auntie our auntie, which i shall call mrs jam rock delivered her own set of lame jokes..

(scene): mrs jam rock was late for class and she comes in strolling..
instructor: ay why are u late.
JR: I WENT TO EAT.. HUR HUR HUR.. (e caps are used to emphasize the fact that VOLUME in which she was saying this)
instructor: ohhhhh.. then next time tk the lift up ya. (n BBDC has no lift)
JR: HERE GOT LEAF MEH!!!! I DIDNT KNOW MAN.. HUR HUR HUR.. NEXT TIME I TAKE AIR-LO-PLANE COME LAH.. HUR HUR HUR..

i mean..

that really killed me in my seat right there..

2006-07-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

there was a time during e cnm camp that i felt really down and dusted, it was just after someone screamed at me not being caring enough about the freshies.. and so on the actual pretext of doing work i lifted myself off to the com lab at AS7 to browse thru the many blogs of my dearest lil shakineh pepz.. lo and behold i came upon tien kwan's blog which has this..

http://www.theintarweb.org/content/Games/Big%20Red%20Button.swf

trust me..

this takes away at least 10 mins of yr life.. but when ure sad.. woo, was this ever a life saver..

= )

im really shagged and sleepy and so maybe for the first night in a long long long long time..

i'll sleep at 9.30

= )

goodnights my friends.

2006-07-28T10:06:00.000+08:00

i finally have some time to myself tis morning N so heres a nice lil post for someone i've known for ages..

tis is for mah dearest xinyi whom im sure will read this sooner rather than later! = )

who is officially the longest fren i still keep in touch with! yay! hehe.. u made it.. =p

i was having my driving lessons (yes im finally taking it~!!!) when i drove passed yr place today!! n not to mention driving pass that coffee shop near yr house? and that bojangles we went ONCE! haha..

it brought back alot of memories like how u got me my fav beer, that super long hr we took finding yr car at the carpark.. those words on the pub.. haha.. it was a real solid moment for me in the lesson car as i passed it by.. not to mention all those stories about how u bumped ur car.. AGAIN! haha..

it was really nice to recall all those moments esp the coffee shop night! haha.. wen u came down like.. no war paint.. nothing done to yr hair.. shirt all faded.. i mean.. thats wad friendships shld be about isnt it? that immense level of comfort so much so u noe even if u look absolutely shitty (not saying that u were) it doesnt matter. cos a real fren looks inside of u.. nt on how shitty u look. (not saying that u are) =p

n so i was checking out ur blog just..

n im really glad that everything has become so perfect for u.. really happy u got ur teacher thing! (hot teacher alert) and really glad that u've found someone that clearly has made u grown commited, has matured u and has brought a new sense of peace into yr life..

im honestly happy for u. = )

sorry for all who read this post though! hehe.. this one's just for her..

on another note, CNM camp is done n dusted.. aft all the weeks of planning.. i must say its been executed rather nicely.. if it will bring u tgr as much as it has done the likes of damon, kim, j, irys, dave, shelle, fang, idy, ling, karen and me.. then i would say we've done a great job.. friends are really easy to find.. but real frens.. those.. are the one in a million find..

cherish them babes.

2006-07-23T09:51:00.000+08:00

two wrongs don't make a right,
two unjust deeds don't bring you honour.
one step out of the comfort zone,
brings you straight into paradise.

they say a man is judged by his power, his wealth, his prestige.
i say, judge a man not by how much he has in his wallet,
judge him by the people that surrounds him, these same ones who love him, who hold him in true stead and who knows him by his heart.

one enters alone and one leaves alone,
but the rich man came alone but walked away with the hands, thoughts and tears of many.
envy that man.
envy me.

2006-07-02T18:02:00.000+08:00

tribute for my arts camp babies

here goes,

truth is, i never really did want to sign up for arts camp. i had alot of issues with some people from the club but thankfully they're all resolved now with a smile. = ) and so i tried my best to not get involved in any arts related activites.

i remembered i even wanted to change my mind and not go on the sunday night before the whole camp itself.

but sincerely and thankfully, i chose to carry on! and its been a huge blessing in disguise. ive never been a very good jumpy person (though i have lil moments of it once in awhile!) n so as many of u knew i didnt start off jumping and welcoming you as openly as you might like it and well i'll like to apologise for that. im a notoriously slow starter when it comes to forming relationships but as kim & dave would tell you, i'm one that ensures any friendships i make will last a long long long time. so knowing me is pretty much like.. measuring wine.. it gets better with time and age = )

the five days spent with u guys though, have been superb. it brought me to this whole new level of nirvana.. this very zen feeling.. believe it or not, the more i cheer with you, the more i smiled with you. the more i laughed, cried, screamed, complained, ate, sang, danced with u guys, the more i felt at peace with the many issues i was facing. in short, you guys took away my worries and my problems!! n i love ya all to bits and pieces for that.

and so, this roll of honor is especially for you all,

lets start with the councilor team~

dave
dave i knew from many many moons ago and its always been a pleasure. he's the resident ah pek whos always gonna give u some pearls of wisdom. i love the way he's able to like.. blend in with everything.. sometimes u jus dont believe he's alr 26 cos he seems like he's forever 20.

weiliang
i used to dislike all engine ppl? but u changed that. haha. so u pretty much carried the weight of all the engine pepz and threw it back in my face. ure spontaneous and can switch from being serious and responsible to having fun and smiling like crazy. its a skill i admire and which im trying hard to learn! haha. hope the navy won't change u too much = )

joy joy
ure so happening u need to be mentioned twice~ ha. im glad i got to know u this camp cos when i came in i was serrrrrrriously wondering where all my ac ppl went to! im fiercely proud of my former sch so yay.. know one more person from there! sincerely, its nice to be able to find a person whos so.. in tune with herself.. u strike me simply as a person who knows when to play, when to luff but also when to be serious.. so, like weiliang, u seem to have control over all yr emotions.. which again, is this brilliant skill i wanna get! = )

ying n soph
u two are mentioned tgr cos u've ALWAYS been together since young anyway right? so why change a good thing! haha. im sorry i havent been able to get to know u guys as much as i would like too. but i'll try in the days to come to get to know ya better. haha. u babes really look like sisters n i tot like all the gals during the clubbing night, u two looked brilliant.

jiawen
aiya. u noe me so long. i know u so long. no need to say anything nice about u la hor. waste my typing energy only.. aiyah okay la i say something la.. actually u shldnt be so surprised to see me chao onz.. i quite on one.. only havent got the chance to show it only. haha. so yeah! enjoy seeing it more often. 4.5 bam bam. lets get it done. dean's list. i could like get 4.5.. then get into the dean's list? and then dean would see.. hey this pun-neh.. his cumulative cap only 3.5! $%%@^ haha..

khid, leon
actually i din get to hang wif u guys much so i cant say much. but eventually the only things i knew bout u khid is from huiling.. so.. haha! enjoy baby! oh yea, enjoy bangkok.. have a blast..

MY BABIES!!

lets be nice n do the boys first

mr justin.
ohhh, ure one of the first few boys of our og i tokked to, and i'll def get back to u again in cnm camp! haha. i always tot ppl who signed on were rather stupid but er.. well.. ure cool! haha.. i dun tink that its possible to say anymore considering everything will be reserved till when u come for my camp. = ) cya!

huixiang
u noe, we had this imposter too last yr during our camp. he was a yr 2 posing as a yr1.. and that was wad me and dave actually had planned. haha. we tot we look super young ma.. (well that true for me , i look forever 16) so we wanted to like, pretend we're freshies too. but hooooo seh.. u alr tot of that.. congrats for thinking in the same wavelength as us.. ure part of the smart, cool, handsome click. =p

wei jie
basket! u got the chio-est girl as yr SP!! -super jealous- haha.. when i found out we were doing red i was like.. fraeaaaaaaaaaaaaaak i wan that hottie as my SP but u got it!! haha.. but na kidding.. i hope u had a blast with tat babe and may my flower enhance yr chances of well.. having her as a standby plan.. haha.. but er.. thats not saying yr present plan is bad la!! its good its good! yay..~ but er.. hey i realise the more i tok bout this the more i seem to be rattling dangerous material. i shall stop now. u wanna hear the rest of it u come to me one day. where its safe - for the both of us. = )

kim seng
yr name reminds me of the bowling alley thats used to be at great world city. i always had to go there for my bowling training last time lor. so dammit, i hear yr name i feel mad le.. haha.. kidding la.. ure another one i wanna say sorry too for not getting to know better. but hey, we've got alot more time to do this. cheers!

harris
ah prostitute! u shiok la u.. live so near me. no gf. steady i like. next time got kaki got makan, go gym go swim go relac one corner. baik la~ somemore got one country club facility right smack in the middle of our area.. so accessible.. stylo milo.. i'll see u in a few days time.. prob wed or thurs or fri.. selamat~

jarrold
correct spelling right? i din wake up early early la so i shldnt have spelt wrong. haha. again im sorry i din get to noe u better but it'll only be a matter of time before i will noe u so well i can tell wad color undies ure wearing! haha.. okay.. er.. that's subjective knowledge la but er.. ya u get my pt la.. haha.. cya ard 2!!

yay, now the ladies

beks
becca ah becca.. i only can say hor.. brian.. brian right? brian ah.. er, shld be like.. well.. every normal guy la.. so er.. wad im saying is.. better stop carrying so many ladies and reliving yr nanyang short hair wear cap wear jeans days la hor.. haha.. -pat pat- u noe aaron is only saying this for yr own good since he's the resident dr hitch. haha.. but u do have yr feminine charms which is possibly shining the brightest at this age, at this time, in this place, with yr boy.. so keep shining it out bright.. becos it looks really good.. like all s'porean women, u belong to the batch of superior beings who looks fantastic in a skirt and can charm all boys with it. so yep, keep going! and thanks for teaching me the xo tai dee. now i noe we can play wif 6 ppl. haha..

dap
aye! ure coming for my camp too!! so i'll continue this nicely laid out friendship path wif ya! haha.. im sorry like most ppl u guys only got to see the true me like.. on wed or thurs which was rather late alr.. haha.. but its better than nothing, later better than never and i will be awaiting this future opportunity to noe ya better. cheers. and yep, good luck with yr 3 months hor! haha jia you. dont let the fire die!! = )

camy
camy TAN. ahh.. got yr name right. 1st right, i'll like to apologise for the clubbing night la. if i offended u by lifting u so chor lor-ly onto the bar top and the brought u down so equally chor-lor-ly. no offence la hor. sorry sorry. heh. ure one of the few RJ ppl i even bother to know!~ haha. so tat alone is an honor alr since we dun like raffles too much la hor. heh. and also, im sincerely sorry. i feel really reallly bad about this cos fright night i seriously feel like i din help to get u too much of the experience. i mean, walk in only i din follow procedures alr.. nv do the light properly.. then din go thru all the cubicles.. u noe there were like at least 2 more ghosts in the cubicles right! im so sorry u din get more out of the experience n we ended up only going in for like 2 mins plus.. it should have been much longer but i was thinking we were going thru all the stations so i din wanna stay too long in one station so ya.. sorry k? haha. n i hear ure majoring in ts right? goot, our og will all tk ts tgr next sem, do tut tgr then all get A+++ tgr k? cya! and if u need me to help u wif the bookin of the chalet, lemme noe.

tien
haha! u went wif dave so the experience must have sucked even more for u! hahaha.. since he was scolding ppl rather than anything. haha. k k, but to me, u haf this split personality. haha. in a good way la.. one moment u r like.. woooo.. and then suddenly at the exact moment u can transform into the.. studious, im studying wearing thick specs and heavy coat kinda girl .. haha.. strange but fasinating! good luck wif yr hunky boy! and again, dun let the fire die!! sometimes when u think u've met the one, dun let go!! if not u might regret it for the rest of ur life. heh.

helen and fariza
u two are like ying n sophie la. always tgr. always sitting in one corner corner relac with each other.. haha.. im not malaysian, i jus go malaysia very often. like the rest, im soooo sorry i din manage to get to noe u guys earlier.. but im very in tune wif islam, with malay culture and i have sooo many malay friends so we'll get on juuuuus fine.. haha.. sebarang problem.. come find me okay.. ohhhh malay words.. ohhhh racisttttt.. hahaha.. ps.. im really sorry our house got so much chinese n hokkien cheers.. these house ics ah.. tsk tsk..

hoon n mer
1st hoon, the thing i gotta say about u ah.. is tha im so bothered by yr insistence in having to pay me back the money. im super disturbed bout that! haha. i believe that all men shld be gentlemen treating all the women they knew like the princesses that they are la. so u shldnt go ard insisting that u pay me back. its only 3 bucks! i mean.. thats not alot.. i rather u next time right, pay me back wif a smile or something like that alright.. surely thats worth 3 bucks.. but dun start asking me out for 100 dollar dinners and then smiling and ask me to pay for that! haha. this guy here got his limits la. haha.

then mer, for the first time i saw u smile today! when u came up from the train station and waved at us. that was truly a very nice sight. i hope u keep up wif that cos its a good sight to behold. keep it up yeah~! let us see that more often. haha.

apple girl zhen yi!
u need to come out wif us more often. and of cos bring yr apples. everyone says ure the most adorable one in the og with yr silly voice and yr cute smiles. so seriously, come out wif us more often so we'll be able to see that!

last but not least, hannah~!
i only had a few moments wif u so i cant say much about u. but the most lasting memory of u was when we were at the prata shop and u were like.. i wannnna watch soccer~! haha.. its nice to see that gradually the female population has came over to the dark side! haha. watch more ya!! we'll go out as one grp to watch soccer sometime! haha. cheers~

there u go!! all the tribute down n dusted.. i would like to say though.. blogging this has taken a good part of my evening so all the words written are as true as i can say it.. u guys are really the best! may we never go our separate ways. haha! woo.

when west meets east

2006-06-17T03:39:00.000+08:00

i'll tell u honestly now, im boy living in the western side of singapore. u can call me a west sider. to be honest, i would say its def the developed side of sg. think about it. nobody ran for elections here becos the 'opposition' clearly knows, theres pretty much nothing more they can do to substitute the living conditions here. to be even more critical, take a look at the education system, everythings in the west. the 2 universities, ngee ann poly, singapore poly.. a bunch of decently good jcs (like mine) and of cos, yrs truly. ke..

and furthermore, i must add.. ive never been to the east as often as i would like too.. to me, its like this whole new country where the ppl seem weird and different and when u need a one hr mrt ride there. its like.. so far away..

but hey, today, i finally got off my arse and ventured forth. to the easT!!

i must say it still looks to me like its a diff country. stopped off at parkway (which is sparkling new now btw) and before that i stopped off at this bus stop which surprisingly led me to this blue building. i swear, it truly looks like JB! the architecture, the state of the building.. the god awful BLUE color.. i was asking myself when i got my passport stamped!

but at least, now i noe how to get to EAST COAST!

to me, east coast is like.. THE MOST beautiful place in s'pore.. its long n stretchy and windy and u see these simple comfortably dressed ppl walking ard in grps and in smiles.. its a real sweet and warm place.. BUT.. ITS NEVER BEEN EASY to get there! i would more oft than not tk a train to somewhere like kallang.. which i noe is wrong.. and then grab a cab to east coast.. but now.. now i know!! u can tk a bus, any bus to parkway 196 from clementi.. which is damn long but will still bring u there.. or 10 from KR n u stop at this place that has many ulu but good looking food shophouses.. then u walk..

its bloody far away from east coast though and even though u'll soon find the underpass that takes u to east coast, its still reaaally far a walk till the central part of east coast, where u find the food~!

so, before u do the walk, u'll need 3 things,
1. good legs to walk the walk.
2. a full tummy.
3. a bloody cute companion wif nice shoulder length hair that blows in the wind making her so nice, hot and sexy. she shld be wearing shorts thus making the experience so much better. = ) she'll also need to of course have good legs to walk the walk and the full tummy too. that'll ensure she doesnt complain about it too much.

so here u go, instructions for all you westerners on how to get to east coast. = )

on another note, thurs me and liong koon ending up reading new man on the tennis court (we were supposed to be there to play tennis but he pretty much gave up aft.. well.. 10 mins..)

and the swimming pool cafe at cdans (now called home team NS bukit batok) has got THE most amazing ecclairs and puffs.. they're not filled wif cream.. they're filled wif.. ICE CREAM!!! omg it is the nicest thing ive ever eaten.. and its soo cheap.. 3 pcs of ecclair for a buck. 4 pcs of puffs for a buck. 2 bucks worth of ecclairs and puffs will be sooo nice! haha..

so try it out!!
and enjoy yr weekend.

i cant believe argentina was THAT good btw. (told u this will happen miss kimberly tan) they really made me feel like shit.. one hand, i was upset i lost money. again. on the other, i was so thrilled by the way they played. like the commentator said, that was THE way to play for all footie fans. brazil to win? u better not bet yr house on it.

2006-06-03T13:16:00.000+08:00

NEW SKIN!!

2006-06-03T12:32:00.000+08:00

its a saturday and ure at home alone. again. so what do u do!? u look at other people's blogs thats what u do. and so here i was, blog surfing seeing everyone's lives.. xinyi wanting to be a teacher, wilkie not updating.. hailee talking bout the future.. gf not talking so much about me.. when suddenly! i came upon celena's blog! n this was just tooo adorable it made me decide to change my skin..

and so here i am, lying on the bed watching anthony bourdain on tv.. checking out the french food he's grobbling down, the wine.. oh my goodness im drooling.. anyway..

my pt is this

celena's baby.. and goodness.. she/he is adorable..

which leads me to my web wide hunt for the cutest doggies on earth!

actually its jus going to be my top 2 fav doggie species ard..

u gotta love....

the maltese!

and my neighbour's whiner of a dog..

yep.. clearly these 2 are my all time favourites.. unfortunately though, i have no idea of how to take good care of these lil pups so i dun think i'll be the greatest dog owner on earth.. the way i see it, the only time i actually can get a dog is when im finally rich enuf to have a maid to take care of it.. haha..

none the less though, these are clearly cute enough to bring a deep big smile to yr face.. it sure brought one big one to mine.

smile again

2006-06-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

i truly feel very tired this holidays.. and i realised its been a long time since i last smiled.. i lack true determination to do things i want to do and often it holds me back.. sometimes i blame money and thats true and important but the most pressing thing half the time is not realli money but alot of other issues..

so sometimes it bugs me, that i dont have the bloody confidence to do the things i want to do.. others find bliss in relationships, love and religion..

but if u lack something like that then where do u honestly turn to? i always tot naturally that god was the man n i still think he is.. but now i truly deeply feel lacking in something.. and i dont know wad..

i jus hope i find it soon.. i realli wan to smile again.

WELCOME BACK AARON

2006-05-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

HEY HEY WELCOME BACK!!

its been a really really long time since i've last did any blogging so it seems a little unfamiliar right now.. woo..

well, here i am, back with a vengenance..

first of all, i'll like to say that im freezing in the dear CNM room right nw because for some reason, NUS decides that they shld be the single most powerful contributor to the environmental problems by switching on the air cons to full power and wasting more energy and subsequently, charge us students a higher school fee.

i am not kidding when i say in this room, ive been to the artic ice caps and back. when i go out, my specs freeze in motion.

ah well, 5 months sure have come and gone.. i look back and i see all these silly wishes i made to start of the yr with and im kinda laughing now.. its quite hilarious if u ask me.. nevertheless..

heres an update
for one, i am in the midst of getting that elusive driving license. ive alr signed up for my FTT which by all means, is a great achievement.

for two, im not gonna get a cap 5.. but i hope, since the results come out tmr.. that at least i'll get a near cap 5 situation..

for three, im not really making much money.. though i feel i have enough.. for now..

and the last few, i've pretty much made it.

lets run thru the last 5 months,

its been lots of work work and more work.. i dont remember reading all my course packs so completely before.. in my life i think the closest ive ever reached in terms of finishing books were the archie comics. otherwise, time holds no restrictions for aaron and his reading..

elections.. as usual, there really wasnt much of a vote in my area.. that being said, im realli happy for all the people of hougang and potong pasir.. congrats.. as a non conforming bastard, it gives me great pride to comment u pepz for being such non conformist too.. even in the face of riches and all these upgrading promises..

i truly feel that this whole elections have brought about the true idea of romance. its romantic to see that people are willing to stick with the ties forged over years of relationships, kinship and communication.. the very fact that these people had gone on to stick with the people they trust, love and hold in high respect..

2006-01-06T20:41:00.000+08:00

i wont say we havent had our problems.
you've cried, i've cried.
issues were raised, swords were drawn.

but have our love not conquered all before?
what's to stop it from doing the same?

look at us now and look at us then,
i'll tell you solemnly,
the passion's not spent.

every life has their knocks; every road, their bumps.
but the power of 2 dissolves all before it.

i stretch out my arms. please give me your hands.

-copyright aaron su-

welcome my man 06.

2006-01-01T10:52:00.000+08:00

normally i spend the last few days of the last yr blogging down wad exactly went on in a long boring but wad i consider fruitful entry.

tis time however i m left wifout much spirit or time to do it.

and so.. here in the mornin of the first day of 2006, i shall rattle on.

2005 has been one of the better yrs of me life. early on the yr i got promoted finally to my sgt rank then later on i got into nus and finally got to find myself a lil toot to be my babe. short n sweet ya.. well tats bascially cos i dun see the need to contnue rattling on bout it anymore.

so here on the first day of 2006 i say

im doing some things diff.
1. im gonna get my driving license.
2. im gonna earn some maney.
3. CAP 5.
4. travel travel travel sometime~!! woohoo.

on a note, its some good shit to see ya wilkie, hailee and the gorgeous mil n sam last thurs for wilkie's birthday thingy.

my other n 5th wish is to ensure i never lose my frens due to my own fault.

so the dark days of the in e end of dec 2005 is over.

and i await u mr 06. with great eagerness.

2005-12-26T11:20:00.000+08:00

it all started wif wilkie.

he came online some time back..

'hey bro my grades suck la i think im gonna transfer to NUS'

i dun noe why NUS suddenly seemed like a better option for him la but i only registered the hey bro my grades suck la part.

then hailee came online too and he went.

ah fuck la.. i got a 2.0 and again i tot lah.. aiyah.. its ok la.. i wun do that badly.. but ahhhh..

signs like this, u gotta watch.. its one big ball of shit coming yr way mocking u.. neh neh ni pu pu im gonna slime u wif shit!

and bam~! 23rd dec 2005.. i got a 2.3

wad the fuck!! 2.3!??!

n the best part was not that i failed anything.. i passed EVERYTHING.. including.. BIO!! n its preciely becos i passed the stupid bio that i got a 2.3

i tried everything i could to fail it.. i slept during the paper.. i ti-kamed the mcq so many times~! n i left it till the last 15 mins to fill up the OAS and still i passed!!

this is called when u dun wan something u'll get it.. like chicken pox.. or aids.. or the love of an old smelly stranger..

n so i regret.. i regret not SU-ing the bio, i regret passing it and i regret taking english.. which i passed too.. FUCK.. why m i suddenly passing everything~!!?!!?!?!?!!

i did everything to fail it!!!

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY..

in the ending msg i have this to say..

wilkie..

come to NUS, at least i have an equally fucked up partner

hailee,

come to NUS, u belong here, in my two pointer club

n

kim, karen..

yay.. ure honourary members in my 2 pointer club!!

dun leave.

2005-12-12T14:33:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

2005-12-10T11:34:00.000+08:00

i saw the best and the worst of our singapore service industry yesterday.

see normally i go to this clinic in lavender to collect medication that i need right..

so i called up yesterday, late morning, to check if they haf supplies of it. lo and behold, they do.. so yay i asked them, wad time do u close tonite? and they said.. oh we're closed at 830pm so jus come down at 830.. alright?

and i was thinking.. cool.. 830..

then jus as i was about to go down my mom insisted that she gave me a lift there.. i dunno why she must insist but she did anyway.. so i waited n waited for my dad to come home from work until like.. wad.. 645.. n all these while i was quite gan chiong alr cos i had to go meet toot @ east coast at 830.. that left me not alot of time.. then dad comes home n he's like.. rather all mystified and stuff n he says..

'hey my tire puntured, i need to change it'

then he drives over to a workshop and changes it.. its 720 nw..

next we leave to pick up my grandma.. its 735.. then they stop me at lavender and its 802..

i rushed in and wad do i see?

the clerk of the clinic closing the clinic? and i was like.. WAD?! i tot u guys closed at 830?! i ran there n im like..

hey im sorry but can u open up for me? i need to collect some medication pls?!

she- NO. WE'RE CLOSED. besides i cant give medication.

and im like.. no no.. u dun understand, i already got the medication, its in a bag alr and all i jus need to pay.. like u noe, in a pharmacy..

she- no cannot cannot.. i cant give u medication without the doctor's orders.

and i said, look, i have yr bloody doctor's hp no. im that close to her. ive been a regular here since god knows when. so if u need her to authorise call her dammit!

she- no la. cannot. u come tmr.

and im so pissed. i rushed all the way down and wad the fuck?! u cant u cant? dun give me that bullshit. u noe jollywell u can so dammit jus do it.

and i jus kinda said out loudly. FUCK!

and turned ard.. then when i turned back? shes gone!

i mean! wad the blue fuck! wad if i needed the medication for a dying man.. and i told the doctor alr.. wad if that dying man took the medication frequently and regularly n its there alr but becos of 'rules' u dun give me.

and the man dies? then wad!! i mean.. wad the fuck man..

wheres the flexibility? wheres the compassion.. im freaking begging u here man.. the least u can do is jus open up and give me la. wad if i needed it to survive the night? n its not like i came very late.. i came 2 mins late! why cant u jus show me some love man!!

n so it is, i put on her a curse..

i curse u bitch.. may you walk eternal nights alone, hounded by potential streakers, molesters and old chee go peks ah peks.. may yr period lasts 29 days a month (except for the month of feb in which it'll last 27 days).. may u be fat, ugly and unwanted by the ugliest man on earth.. CURSE U BITCH!! CURSE U!!!!!!!!

then after that i had to go to east coast right so i took a cab from there.

and this cabbie is like.. the best of service la i thought..

went on board then told him where i wanted to go.. unfortunately he din know the way? so he actually went to call up all the ppl tat he tot knew the way on his mobile.. then call call call alr finally found out a clue to where the place might be.. then as we were driving he was like

ah boy ah.. uncle havent had dinner yet ah need to eat u dun mind right?

and im like.. haha .. no problem la uncle.. i also havent had dinner..

n he actually like, ay u wan not? i give u some! n i jus thought like.. wah.. damn nice man..

and along the way he jus kept like continuing to find the place for me.. then after we reached hes like.. ah boy u have a good time ah.. take care ah

wah.. this , is good service.. and so to him.. i bless him.. may he always have customers like me..

2005-11-30T12:54:00.000+08:00

first day of holidays.

woke up at 11 plus.

yesterday went to wala wala to drink with jackson n dave..

dave is very cute. haha. when he drinks he sips! like.. there was this one for one vodka sale. then i brought a baileys. within mins its like.. gone.. then i sipped his ab vod and its like wahhhh strong.. so ordered it. then one glass came with another free.. then within mins also.. gone.. then me n jackson were drinking till we both become rather seh.. and suddenly im like.. aye! how come my vod has got the one for one.. but dave doesnt haf.. so we shouted for service n demanded the free glass which of cos.. was devoured by both of us within seconds..

those bloody fools also.. happily made me wait for so bloody long.. luckily it was worth it.. haha.. drinks drinks drinks!!

thanks karen for staying up to talk to me then.. ; ) thanks also for yr coke n lemon remedy for my sore throat.. and of cos.. waking up at 530 last thurs to wake me up.. tat was really sweet. haha.. thank yew.. good luck for yr bio tmr..

haha.. its been so long since the last drinking session it was fun..

i miss drinking wif xinyi though! babe rem that pub near our place? the one where we played pool.. the one wif that sign.. 'down here we're all the same' hahaha.. how cool was that sign right?

the rubbish man can

2005-11-16T21:01:00.000+08:00

ladies and gentlemen!

its the exaMS.. congrats.. by now ure all sweating in ur pants and peeing in ur undies.. ure stressed.. ure worried.. and u haf recurring dreams of that bastard/bitch u hate getting that A and u getting that B+.. oh the pain.. oh the agony.. the tears.. you dress like shit.. you sleep late and survive on coffee hoping/thinkin it would help..

ah..but haf u asked urself this question?

why wait till now..

was it some divine intervention from the man from the top? who told u way back when u started that u din need to study in the term.. all u haf to do is wait till 10 days before ur first paper and say.. OH NO.. i gotta mug.. did he tell u that? no.. wait wait.. yes do i hear a yes over there? no? oh ure chinese.. no understand english? well ure in the wrong blog.. moving on.. no? so HE din say mug now did he?

then why mug now??! why wait till sooooo late b4 u got stressed?

dont know? dont wanna ans? then listen to me.. aaron su.. man who has survived so many exams..

by now.. wad u need to do is chill.. relax.. take some nice latte in the afternoon.. read alil.. refresh urself..highlight alil.. heell if u need to, go club the night away.. and lest u fill unfulfilled at tat? i suggest taking a good pee session on the most expensive car u'll find in the parking lot.. ladies dun worry.. u dun need to do it.. i understand u wanna protect urselves.. hey no worries.. u still get to play a part in this cool episode.. wad will u do? u'll assume the role of meditator.. wait till the owner comes out aft hearing his alarm and juuuus when hes about to beat ur guy friend? explain to him that 999 is on ur fast dial.. press 1 and hold.. then laugh as the guy gets deported to the nearest police station.. which from experience is usually tanglin.. then wait for that same guy to use his one call privilledge to call u.. to bail him out.. and juuuus when he sounds the worst.. like hes absolutely about to cry? hang up!

guys.. u'll feel so shitty exams is the last thing u wanna be thinking about..

girls.. u'll laugh so much.. exams will become.. examS? realli? when? tmr? noooooo.. u dun say.. ah hell.. let live and let go.. n then of cos guilt would come in and u'll eventually rescue ur fren anyway so there.. alls good..

n lest u wonder wen i tot of this.. dun wonder no more.. its experience. ; )

cept the calling the fren part.. i called mammi.. which realli isnt the best thing to do.. but hey.. its yet one more avenue to get ur mind off the exams

and so i say to u.. exams.. wads exams.. why bother.. if u were smart.. u would haf done wad ive done.. taken one paper thats multiple choice questions.. and 2 tat is open book.. and its wif this ladies and gentlemen..

that i bid u many good wishes for life.. as u journey on the career that so many haf dreamt of..

yes u got it!!

the rubbish man can~

2005-11-11T10:04:00.000+08:00

currently hearing 2 songs now.. by the goo goo dolls.. its a good listen.. maybe whoever is reading this, if u need some new songs.. u shld hear it.. but it doesnt make an impact unless the feeling is there.. and these feelings.. i dun think anyone shld have it..

All Eyes On Me

Daylight burns your sleepy eyes

It's hard to see you dreaming

You hide inside yourself

I wondered what you're thinkin'

And everything you're chasing

It seems to leave you empty
And it won't take long to burn

All eyes on me

Through the nothing that you've learned

All eyes on me

And the things you choose to be

All eyes on me
But your eyes look away

It's so hard to be someone

Strung out from today

And all that you knew slips away
You drown in deeper oceans

Inventing new religions

They smile and stab my back and

I lie and have to laugh
And it won't take long to burn

All eyes on me

Through the nothing that you've learned

All eyes on me

And the things you choose to be

All eyes on me
But your eyes look away

It's so hard to be someone

2nd song.. and this was is actually a pretty decent song.. i liked the one above only for the bolded lines.. this one has many lines i like..

black balloon

Baby's black balloon makes her fly

I almost fell into that hole in your life

And you're not thinking 'bout tomorrow'

Cause you were the same as me

But on your knees
A thousand other boys could never reach you

How could I have been the one?

I saw the world spin beneath you

And scatter like ice from the spoon

That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over

And angels fall without you there

And I go on as you get colder

Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you

And the love you never know

What's the things they never showed you

That swallow the light from the sun

Inside your room, yeah
Comin' down the world turned over

And angels fall without you there

And I go on as you get colder

Always someone

And there's no time left for losin'

When you stand they fall

Comin' down the world turned over

And angels fall without you there

And I go on as you get colder

All because I'm

Comin' down the years turn over

And angels fall without you there

And I'll go on to bring you home and

All because I'm

And I'll become

What you became to me

bimbo alert

2005-11-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

u noe.. i never thought i'll actually see such ppl real life? i always thought like such ppl were the invention of the telly..

but today i was at olio trying to do some readings today and right in front of me were 2 very loud women..

actually there was only 1 very loud woman.. but then the other was agreeing wif her so in my eyes.. its 2 very loud women. haha.. so they were both speaking very chim cheena chinese.. like tos u hear on the shanghai type shows..

and this girl was materialistic, bimbotic and so wrong all the way.

heres wad i remember..

'so i met tis guy last night, and he alr asked me to slp wif him.. i wouldnt mind.. but hes short..'

'i saw this ang moh guy the other day n i would haf slept wif him if he was american. i want a green card so bad!'

'so i flew to san franciso and then to shanghai n then back to san fran n singapore. and wad i did to earn money would haf been considered illegal' (so we noe wad la.. considering she alr has said she'll slp wif this person n that)

'so n so is now wif this angmoh guy and shes like practically his alr his wife. going trips wif him. london paris. wah i wan to go paris man. find a guy. get citizenship.'

to fren 'ay when u go back shanghai ah, if got job help me find a job ok. i havent worked in 5 yrs alr but i got diploma.. in biz ed i think. aiyah i also dunno la.. havent been earning any money for so long.. always ppl gif.'

n im jus sitting there.. then i look up. and shes got blusher all over her face.. so its damn red n pink n shes got those permed hair but she does look decent la..

n its so sad.. materialism has made prostitutes out of everyone.. n i dun think im any different.. thats wads disheartening.

chicken man

2005-11-06T17:39:00.000+08:00

was disappointed.. becos i din bring out my wallet.. so i had to ask my mom for some money and she din haf her ezlink so whatever she gave me i had to budget it to make sure i could go home. bought a cheap cup of coffee because i wanted to make sure i haf enough to haf lunch wif u. waited nearly 2 hrs for u. was prepared to wait even longer. found a place which i tot was quiet so i could get some work done, some readings read. then suddenly u tell me u wanna go somewhere esle.. disappointed.. but that must be wad comes in the parcel of love.

kinda disappointed today so on the way home i msged afew ppl in the bus and hailee was there trying to erm.. cheer me up? haha.. his methods of cheering ppl up dun usually follow the routine and they dun usually make much sense unless u noe him and stuff.. but believe me.. its farnie and it usually works. haha

so after the initial msgs he sends me this one..

'freedom is just some people talking, your prison is walking through this world all alone.'

and im like.. wooooow.. i so agree.. everyone noes im soo scared to be alone and stuff n now that ive found a girl i consider to be like.. someone i think i can be wif for a long period of time.. which is perplexing but hey.. life is perplexing so dun go there.. so anyhow i liked the statement.. i was like.. wahhhh.. chim leh and so true..

so i scroll down and guess who said this line..

his initials are K.R

yeeeeep.. u got it..

KENNY ROGERS!!

haha.. yeaaaaah u heard / seen it right.. its KENNY ROGERS.

im taking love advise from a man who sells chickens for a living..

xinyi - wish u luck.. hahaha.. i hope u can finally get to quit it!! ; ) u noe wad 'it' is so i wun declare it out loud for u. yaaaay.. if i do the task well tmr.. ho ho.. u owe me one looooo.. ha.. finally!! i got a hand over ya! muhaha.

mic Z. 3rd floor. left hand side. understooded babes~!

for miss choo.

2005-11-05T08:48:00.000+08:00

was trying to study at starbucks at suntec with toot yesterday.. its a really nice place.. very cool environment.. the only problem i realise is that they aint like all the other starbucks ive been in all over the world.. do u noe starbucks even in KL n JB have like.. chess sets to let u play chess on the lil grids they haf on the tables?

i guess even the management of starbucks in singapore realises that ppl come in to starbucks not for relaxing but mainly for business, bitching and studying.. where got time to place chess..

where got time..

its amazing becos change is something i hate the most.. yet i ask myself everyday where got time.

diane called yest while i was at starbucks and she gave me this big shocker.. that she'll be going back to london to find a job there..

hearing it i jus felt lost.. that my good friend was going to disappear again and i was kinda mad.. its been 5 years since i got to know her and shes always been that friend that had the ability to make me feel motivated, to get things on the ball, to get things started. shes been blessed with chances unlike most of us but the fact that she told me that shes worried that shes spending too much money made me feel proud that ive made such a good friend. you have the money babes. but somehow u still say that u're worried that ure spending too much money. tat realli is a pretty good attitude to take on. good for u.

kinda thought that u'll stay now after disappearing for 3 whole yrs and we can haf tos times like we used to at ur place.. jus sitting down eating n chilling cos i missed that alot.. i miss hafing someone like u to direct me and show me wads the right path jus by seeing u being u. kinda thought that u can be like here for me again instead of going to a place where u and i will never be talking since i sleep too early for it to be able to communicate wif u online/offline or on the phone. sighs~ well, wadever the case, u noe im gonna be here, wishing u tons of luck.. i pray that u'll get the most decent job ever. haha. ignore the whole i hope u'll get addicts and everything notion. i dun. i do pray and hope u get like.. rich english women who jus wanna do nothing but pay ppl like u to listen to how their husbands are always out betting on losing on arsenal games.

u haf some great courage n balls to get there doing wad ure doing.. u haf my support yeah.. and remember always remember no matter wad happens, u got ur kid here for u.. so no matter wad happens u got us. so yes... go over, do ur best and get ur dreams all back in order.. n of cos.. haf fun wif ur u noe who.. ; )

i love the dinner that day.. n i realli wished we could haf had many more of those.. but hey.. u'll be mah mama forever.. too bad.. ;p so we would haf many more dinners.

i'm gonna miss u lots mammy.. ; )

pls take care of urself..

there are many many words and things i wanna say for you, about u.. but.. u noe and i noe, sometings cant be and need not be said wif words.

2005-10-30T15:19:00.000+08:00

if im not wrong.. theres close to a few weeks before the exams.. now i din realli study alot so gooood luck to me.. to top it off, im supposed to do some readings today but instead of aiding me, the kind ppl at STARHUB has decided to come n show a 6 hr marathon of the simpsons.. 6 hrs~!! of simpsons~!! come on man.. i cant possibly NOT watch simpsons.. u think they would think .. heyyy its exam time! lets give aaron a break and lets not show 6 consecutive hrs of simpsons! lets not forget.. if im watchin 6 hrs of simpsons.. im eating 6 hrs worth of simpsons too!! haha.. no wait.. actually 1.5 hrs of it has passed and i still havent started eating~ sooo.. its not so bad.. grinz..

moving on.. its the honey moon week so everything's fine.. no depressed post or sad posts or anything..

my mate hailee on the other hand.. ahhh.. good luck.. i shall not elaborate more due to the confidentiality agreement that u made me sign.

gonna haf a super cool 4 day weekend next week~!! woohoo.. thurs.. fri.. sat and sunday! and hey if im not wrong, next next week is completely off.. tat means.. woohoo.. super long holiday!!

some lessons learnt during the week..

1. time flies - i was jus looking the calendar n i was looking at months b4 june? n its like.. wow.. cant imagine jus a few months back i was sitting at the canteen wif the likes of kavi, nasir, chua, solomon, mr david the boss, khaliq, fir sometimes mangen jus eating.. tokking cock and waiting for the time to end.. cant believe one semester in sch is alr coming to an end.. sigh.. remembered when i got my chance to find a replacement how i wanted my Ac junior aka elzena's brother, but ended up wif this fucked faced cheena dude who has probably died by now.. haha.. remembered soccer everyday n lunch time when we would change into jogging attire n tell the provost ppl.. ay we're goin for lunch. then disappear to jurong point from 12 - 2.. or taking the van out on the pretext of bringing back AWOLees only to request to be dropped at somewhere to play pool in our uniform.. sigh.. good days.. haha.. n of cos.. the RANK.. yes.. rank.. SGT baby.. haha.. SGT Aaron Su.. tat was the coolest moment. n so at this point i shall offer mah congrats to mr sam chee! now officially SGT sam chee.. Sgt sam is a bastard.. he will gif u extra.. unlike me, who will do the work as a true leader would and then think about givin u extra but wouldnt cos hes a nice nice Sgt. ; )

2. leaders and followers - at the 173 bus stop wich toot now understands, i was sitting on the railing waitin for the freakin bus when this ah chek behind me.. ah chek is an uncle aged 40 - 50 saw the bus turn into the interchange and started figeting.. moving.. putting his hands into the wallet and tking out the ez-link card. n naturally the whoooole queue behind starts doing the same.. the aunties in front of me starts tking the large NTUC bags n moving up closer to the point of alightenment.. yay.. alightenment.. n they do this all before the ppl in the bus even alighted. n im sitting on the railing cos it'll take awhile b4 the bus comes right? im like.. ok lah.. sit la.. why worry right.. but EVERYone looks at me.. like.. oei u !@#$!! get down~! bt im like.. aaaaaah.. wadever.. dun worry.. jus relax..

n heres the point of the whole story.. singaporeans are naturally gan chiong.. RELAX.. chill.. dun worry.. why get all uptight and start boarding this n that when the freaking bus isnt even here yet! leaders would sit on the railings.. n jus relax.. cos u save energy. then u can use it for more work later..

relax.. keyword of the week..

adios amigos.

NS never prepared me enough for this

2005-10-23T09:07:00.000+08:00

just woke up to a bloody freaky dream.. i dreamt of CAMP.. yuckers.. and my OFFICER.. shit.. u could say i woke up in cold sweat man.. ; )

its been a rough week.. and now sunday is finally here.. when the week first started, i really went into it with alot of apprehension.. one theres all that datelines to fulfill and then theres just so much work to do as well.. it was rather ridiculous.. now that the week has finally ended i feel kinda relieved..

quite abit happened during the week but im glad its finally over.. whew..

im in a sweet moment now.. hope it lasts~

lit essay due on tues.. havent started on it.. wish me lucks! still have yet to compile my NM surveys yet.. yucks.. i hate work.. NS never prepared me enough for this.

if anything. i realise the salt of the earth, is alr in my hands

2005-10-18T02:28:00.000+08:00

i really dont know how to start this post so here goes..

something is really wrong with me tonight. i just cant seem to get alot of dumb thoughts out of my mind..

for once in my life i feel like talking a nice long walk to nowhere and just disappear into the moonlight.. and that means dying.. just made it sound nicer.. i always thought heaven was this place whereby its always nice and cool.. and everything you want that can happen will happen.. why is earth not like that..

i feel very weak.. i honestly do.. i have this pile of assignments and books to read and notes to highlight its driving me nuts.. then i still take on more work..

and now.. i just feel so alone.. so tired so cold.. i feel like everytime people need to collapse on me im here for them.. and suddenly with all this pressure of the datelines and i need someone to fall back on.. theyre not there.. they're just.. away..

not in school.. off day.. or just simply.. with someone esle..

its not just one individual.. its an accumulation of them.. people i thanked god for.. just away from me.. i just dont understand why its when ure at your weakest that people put up the away sign or just simply aint there..

i'll be there for you..

really.. is it true? you will be? when..

i need a break.. and a kit kat wouldnt work..

even the people online now.. a whole list of them.. long long list.. but everyone is away or busy.. sure.. look at the time.. its not early.. i know.. but hey.. doesnt it just say it all out for you.. i need someone and only steph is online talking to me..

steph.. i wish you hadnt gone to perth honestly. i miss you so much. 4 more weeks and you'll be back.. suddenly these 4 weeks seems like a long long long time.. its like everytime in the past i needed to cry you were there.. with yvonne, kenneth, liong koon, marc, diane.. i felt so protected by all of you.. i wish so very much that you were all still here with me somehow.. not one day goes past without me wishing you guys never left..

she says im a big boy now.. and i shouldnt be so weak..

i know.. i know i shouldnt.. but something is just preventing me from doing so.. its like i feel this need to continue being weak.. thats so dumb.. its just so completely retarded i dont even want to elaborate on it.

im sorry to take this out on some of the people around me right now. especially you. you dont deserve me being so depressed and all. please though, try to understand.. for alot of days now i have been carrying you.. carrying you through your problems domestically, with your work, your outside work and now with your projects.. and with my own weight on top of me now i am truly truly shagged. but its not your fault. i truly have fallen in love with you and i want to do all these. its just that now ive piggy backed you and its been a long long distance.. im not complaining.. i enjoyed the ride.. you being on top of me cuddling me, depending on me and just you being with me makes me the luckiest guy alive.. but now im down and i know you are not any better.. so what am i asking is this.. give me a lifeline here.. if you cant pull me up, fall down with me.. at least be there on the floor with me where we can rest and in a swift moment jump up.. renewed with energy.. right now both of us have just fallen and i dont have the energy anymore to just be there..

have you ever played this confidence game.. two people with the backs facing each other sit down.. and by pushing their backs together they lift themselves up.. its like.. back to back n using the resultant force towards each other and the uplift from their legs they propell themselves up..

in my idealistic world i see myself doing this with my partner.. when we're both down and nearly out, we pull together our last bits of strength and with each other, we get ourselves up..

ive done that exercise a million times..

now more than ever..

it has to be done..

'i look terrible today, you shouldnt have stared, i love the way you hug me, i love the way your eyes locked with mine, i love the way my body melts in your arms. i simply adore you'

'i want you to be mine forever. promise me. i want you to think of me and miss me till the last breath.'

'tell me that one second more of waiting makes you terrible, tell me that. i wont bear to make you worry. im so in love with you right now.

if anything, heres why im still awake n kicking

feels better now.. blogging works.. and statements prove a point..

im a different kind of a guy.. you must have realised that by now.. all i can say is.. being with me is a roller coaster ride.. but believe me, its a worthy ride..

somehow just writing this all down has made me feel alot more better..

and to end, i shall say this..

xinyi thanks for the library time.. if you were not there accompanying me through the loneliness i wouldnt know what would have happened.. thanks for your 'ive taken out my wisdom tooth! but i dont feel any wiser' its so lame.. but it worked.. haha.. and of course.. for that wonderful primary school style essay.. its rather short.. but you made your point.. sorry again i couldnt meet you for dinner.. my mom already cooked.. remember next time if you want to meet me let me know early.

and to you.

you knew when i looked into your eyes throughout the train ride, that i thought you were the most beautiful girl ever to be in my arms. i was so lost in you. i loved the way you giggled. the way you smiled. the way you knew exactly when to dive into my arms and cuddle and stay there. i love your chubby chubby cheeks. you are the most beautiful angel ever to have graced my heaven. when you are with me, the world is so colourful and bright. you really are the light of my world. i agree with you. when you are near, when we are together, all our problems are gone.. and its when you are not with me that it comes and catches up on us..

dont worry. you're not alone.

tats how life works..

2005-10-16T19:36:00.000+08:00

okie this post is especially for you miss xinyi~!

im very very very very very sorry i forgotten that i was supposed to go to simlim wif u yest!!

sorry~!! ; )

pleaaaaaaaaaaaase forgive me! heh.. i will accompany u again to buy lunch on wed..

my treat!

apple n potato salad.. or is ur teeth still hurting? or will u still be on mc? let me know k? ; )

im glad ure not mad at me anymore.. haha.. cos well, if u were mad u wun be tagging right?

haha.. ure soooooo fierce wen ure.. erm.. fierce!! haha.. lighten up okkaaaaaaay?!

hugs..

lighten up about ur grannie too okie? she will be ok.. she will be fine.. n im sure u will haf the time wif ur mc n stuff to visit her.. smile : )

everything will be ok.. tats how life works..

2005-10-15T20:36:00.000+08:00

dunno about u guys.. but this is one pic i jus haf no words for.. haha

2005-10-13T09:58:00.000+08:00

its been a tiring week for me and im super drained.. i guess everyone is at this time of the year with exams and tests and project datelines all coming up.. i have a genes essay and a HR essay and a lit essay coming up in the next two weeks.. not to mention an english test tmr in the wee hours of a friday morning..

so i am exhausted.. but so is everyone esle and i wun complain.. not here.. not anywhere..

ppl say time flies when ure hafing fun.. but u noe wad.. time also flies when u got too much deadlines coming up.. i dunno ifs datelines or deadlines but both to me seems rather relevant nw..

moving on.. its been an ok week.. mon i was sick.. down wif a slight fever n din attend sch.. tues attended it only to spend it tokking to michelle over some stuff.. n then me n toot went over to diane's place to conduct a HR interview wif her mom..

then i guess the highlight of the week so far would haf to be din wif di..

its been awhile since we took to having dinner and jus sitting down chatting like we used to all those yrs back..

n since im in a solemn mood today heres wad we tokked about... we tokked about relationships.. how everyone seems to be almost the same.. same fears, same directions.. same eventuality.. is there a difference btwn one relationship and the next? are there different high points or low points? are there the same insecurites and pain? i presume it to be.

she took a look and me n she mumbled.. aaron this is the happiest ive seen u in awhile..

n then she asked..

do u still feel disillusioned wif life?

i do.

n i guess ive always been.. till tis day.. im disillusioned wif children dying, internet rapes and most of all.. the older generation.. i rem sometime tis week an old lady took her own sweet time to crawl down the steps of the 173 when i was alr rushing.. i had on my headphones and i tot, damn she is realli taking her time.. only to realise tat she was havin immense difficulty walkin down so much so she actually reached out her hands to ask me to help carry her down. i did. but who was to carry the guilt in my heart when i realised wad a bastard ive been.

on that same day i saw this auntie carrying two huge bags at the taxi stand, she was in a dilemma becos it was wet and she din wan the plastic bags to be wet so she carried the bags in both hands but that left her unable to open the cab door, i saw it n i offered to open the door wich i eventually did n she smiled, said her thanks, but in her eyes and her expression i saw a 'god bless u boy' gesture. i was pleased but i wondered why it was there. am i the only one that wanted to help? was there no1 to see that she was asking for it? and why.. y was there no1 to see it? was it that hard to notice?

n everyday i see old aunties collecting cardboard boxes and flattening tem.. i see old uncles digging for trash cans.. i see them selling tissues and i see them selling these fake jades.. n i see them jus sitting down on cardboard jus looking at u wishin u spare some coins..

in my perfect world no one would haf to do tis.. no one would cry.. no one would look and feel pity.. i long for that one day when the sun will shine not jus for me n the ppl i love n care for but for the world..

its not tat hard..

its idealistic..

but its not that hard..

it can be done..

n to that, diane says

'what u need, is not reform.. but for more people to think the way u do'

2005-10-08T12:05:00.000+08:00

NEW SKIN!!!

duncha think tis one looks so much nicer?!

its got alot more simplicity and def alot more character.. and wads most impt is.. the jukebox by the left hand side here.. see see!!

12 tracks for u guys.. i wanted to put 11 but i jus cant take out any one of these 12 so here u go.. 12 tracks..

look at it this way.. heres a dozen tracks for u..

i woke up very irritated.. slept rather late (for me la.. others is like still very early but for me its rather late liaoz) then i had forced up this morning by my superb fam.. irritated n saw that no one had msged me about damon's birthday yet.. n since its my dad's birthday as well there was jus this huuuuge uncertainty about the whole day.. i din noe wad time we were meeting or where n on top of that i had to tell my mom wad my plan was for the day which is well.. pretty much not planned yet!

haha.. buuuuuut this new skin takes it all away!! im at least feeling much better now.. haha.. buffet din at nite at some hotel so i'm jus going for dam's thing for awhile then i will chaoz.. sooo no eating at damon's place!!

i hope he serves crappy food.. ; )

and thanks to kenneth n liong koon for listening to me crap.. no thanks to liong koon for hanging up on me once his gf came to meet him but i guess i know how he feels. ; )

ciaoz

so now u remember?!

2005-10-04T07:23:00.000+08:00

i slept only at 3 plus and now its 723 am in the morning n woooo im up.. my bloody body clocks means its impossible for me to seemingly wake up anytime aft 730.. its realli very wad the fuck if u ask me.. esp if u slp very late..

annnnd why did i sleep so late?? yaa u guess it.. haha.. my fantastic gf tot that she was not being a good enuf gf to me.. and becos of that i actually haf to msg her till 1am in the morning.. n why did we stop? cos SHE fell asleep! haha.. can u believe it.. the least u could do my dear.. is make me fall aslp first!!! so its true.. u r a horrible gf! making me stay up so late n losing sleep alr means shes a lousy gf! haha ; )

grinz.. silly toot.. if u werent so impt to me.. so good to me.. why would i treat u so well.. why would i treat u like such a princess and love u n pamper u the way i do.. coooos.. ure everything to me.. stop having such silly thoughts.. if u realli were such a lousy gf.. i would haf given up being so good to u a long time ago ; )

smile smile!

well wilkie.. when did we play at st wilfords?! i also cant rem exactly when! but i think it was that game against the SJI boys.. then we din haf ppl who wanted to play defence rem? haha.. so u played right back behind me n i rem half the bloody fucking time i was so tired running up the field that i din run back down then u haf to back track all the time or handle two ppl cos i wasnt doing my job.. haha. then i rem we started off playing 4-4-2 but b4 u knew it we were trashed so badly that we went to 3-4-3 n me, u and liong koon played centre backs.. hahahha.. i rem that was prob the WORST footballing decision in the world..any manager who did that tactical change would haf gotten sacked the very next day! we ended up laughing n defending like clowns.. we had 1 who couldnt play ball for nuts.. 1 who din wan to header (then how to be central defender?!?!) n one who wanted to header but was TOO SHORT to head anything away.. n then we started playing like fools wif liong koon n his miskick clearances.. hahaha.. he'll hoot the ball till god knows where.. then start laughing evil-ly.. n i rem too.. when one ball came n i started dribbling up the pitch n left u two alone n both of u were screaming.. AY FUCK U LA.. URE A DEFENDER NOW! hahahhahaha.. god those were the times.. how cool was that.. haha.. n yeah.. rem we din even haf proper boots i think.. yes! n i rem those fuckers played like wad 4 quarters! haha..after every quarter they needed a smoke break! haha.. fuckers.. shit la u noe hw long its been since ive played soccer?! dammit.. me, matthew, man, darryl n this other dude wanted to join the sch's 5 a side soccer thing but we ended up taking far too freaking long to register.. haha.. dammit.. n matthew was still like wad.. ay bro if we play we need to train man.. n i said.. ahhhhhhhhh pls la.. u got aaron su on ur team ure guranteed second place.. who needs training.. wif abit of luck we might even win the 50 dollar grand prize.. hahahahha.. ; )

5 week.. then come back soon n we'll ball ard again! hehe..

so NOW u rem?!

n xinyi!! shld i be irritated that u had prata again? or should u be irritated that u din haf prata wif me? cos its not the prata but WHO u haf the prata wif.. winkz.. haha.. i will treat u laaaaaaaaaaa.. grin.. i buy my 2 kosong n then i gif u the black burnt part.. ; ) n i will buy my usual bandung n leave u the ice.. n as usual aft eating.. i will make a smiley face wif the chilli sauce or wadever sauce that they haf n then take a pic.. all jus for u.. happy not! haha..

i wanna ans ur 3 questions..

1) If you're a guy, and you fall in love with a girl, would you still stay with her if you found out that she's pregnant, but not with your baby? Let's just say that the pregnancy is a shock to her too, and she does not intend to be with the father of the child because she loves you.

i think if she doesnt intend to be the father of the baby she should abort the lil kiddo.. cos ultimately the guy will in his most human naturistic way will always look at the kid as a reminder of someone esles sperm. sounds bad. but thats the truth i think. its hard for any guy to accept such a thing la realli. n it will mean that the girl has to continuously assure him his sperm is better. hey im being honest here dun blame me for the language used..

2) Choice of marriage procedure: Would you go for the usual traditional chinese ceremony or would you want to do away with all the fuss with tea ceremony and banquet dinner?

both. i wanna do an english version wif ballroom dances n champange n jus lotsa fun.. ; ) but i guess the traditional chinese one is always impt n nice too.. wad wif yam seng and all.. hehe.. ;p but ultimately its who u marry.. not how u do it..

3) Would you have sex with an unattractive friend for money?

u gotta be kidding.. dun ask a guy that.. its the easiest way to earn money babes.. haha

dammit

2005-10-03T08:04:00.000+08:00

i rem one of my very very very first posts was about the liverpool victory in the champions league..

n today.. jus for kicks (to myself) heres another post about liverpool..

it all begins with..

CARRA: WINNING WILL SEND OUT A MESSAGE &
ALONSO HAS EYE ON THREE POINTS

n it ended up like this..

RAFA: HOW DID WE LOSE 4-1?

so here we go, how did we end up losing 4 -1?

simple.. the line up alone ended up in a tight game or a game where we'll be torn apart.

reina
finnan hyypia carragher traore
hamann
garcia alonso gerrard riise
crouch

sounds good enuf? yes.. for a draw..

the problem here is the main problem that everyone has noticed b4. when crouch is in the side the tendency is simply to lift the ball up high for him. but when that happens u lose the runs that riise n garcia could make.. u lose the glorious pass range of alonso .. so when u play one person aka mr crouch. its likely that u lose alot of flair.

the formation realli isnt a problem here becos when senor benitez was at valencia he used a similar formation.. but the problem here is that alonso hamann isnt baraja n albeda.. riise isnt a vicente and garcia def is not a rufete. lets not even compare gerrard n aimar cos they're jus 2 diff players.. n crouch is def not a mista.

so here we go, 1 - 4 loss.. its the most embarassing loss that ive went thru as a liverpool supporter.. 1 -4

sigh.. its jus so disappointing..

damn mr lampard.. watch it.. u'll be quiet the next time.. we'll still play at least 2 more games.

week in review

2005-10-02T07:23:00.000+08:00

its october!!! congrats to all the ppl born this month.. i dunno who u r.. yet.. but congrats anyway..

yest, 1st of oct.. i took my laptop!!!! man im telling u its the most beautiful thing ive ever had.. no wait.. this is not fair to mr drum set, miss dvd player, miss cable set-top, mr acer laptop, mr mp3.. ahh blah u get the point.. so silently, in hush hushness i shall say.. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING THAT IVE EVER HAD!! haha.. u noe wads sweet about it? the tablet-ness!!! awwww.. its so pretty! haha..

so here it is.. the birthday of my beauty is on... the 1st of oct! hehe..

wanna see a pic? ok i dun care.. heres a pic! haha

so pretty right!! haha..

alright.. the rest of the week.. thurs was such a long day n i skipped cue again! 3rd time in a roll.. i think the guys there are thinking that im such an uncommited bastard.. haiz.. not to forget i din do the TS thing on tuesday too.. sigh.. nevermind its over.. forget about it..

fri had english.. i paid attention for the first time! must be aft the horrible test results.. then went to esplanade to study.. toot was late again.. as usual.. i have not had one date wif her when shes early haha.. idiot.. bt i did managed to study abit b4 she came.. i love the esplanade library.. feels like we're in this super cultured place where every1 is so high classed and knowledgable.. hehe.. then aft she came we jus walked ard for lunch and yeah.. this i gotta say.. shes so cute when she eats! dropping food all over the place.. she needs like.. 600 plates under her cos she drops more food than she actually eats it.. then she wrote me this super nice n sweet letter... uuuuunfortunately.. u still havent answered the question.. haha.. so.. if ure reading this.. quick quick! ask me wads the question.. then gimme the ans.. ; )

i had genes yest.. to all the ppl coming up.. n that realli jus means nazir lah. pls do ur bidding eearly.. dun be like me.. do it late then in the end choose modules that u choose to save ur points more than becos u really wanna do it.. n pls pls pls.. dun make the same mistake as me.. jus cos a module says 'porn' doesnt really mean u will be watching porn for the whole module.. or any part of the module at all!! haha..genes and society.. doesnt realli haf anything to do wif society.. my cap score will now be upon 4 this sem.. becos genes is as good as gone.. i finished the test in about 40 mins.. then i took my time to shade the thing.. remembered when the invigilators came ard to check ur matric card n i guess everyone sitting in front of me were from sci cos when she checked mine she took a long long while then looked at me n im like.. huh? yes mdm? is there a prob n she was awakened from her stunnedness and then she looked at me .. er.. no no.. continue on.. haha.. i tell u.. the reason is becos.. im from FASS.. n they're thinking.. wad a dumb boy to take this mod since ur from artS! haha.. n oh yea.. normally.. in an mcq? ur 1st question is the one u could do? i opened the pack n i saw the first question n im like.. DIE LAH.. n everyone turned ard and looked at me.. haha..then benny was sitting like.. 3 seats behind me? n aft the whole exam i stood like smiling like some spastic cos i was jus thinking.. wad a dumb thing to do.. n suddenly i saw benny there too.. smiling equally like a spastic.. haha.. its nice to noe there are always spastics like me ard.. haha..

okie n xinyi! this is for u ahhhh.. im soooooorry la i never go n eat prata wif u.. haha.. i promise i will do it next week.. somehow! hehe.. maybe tuesday k? or sometime! i will go! haha.. n since u got ur dvd thingy on wed then wed sure off one right! hahaha.. but im super free on wed! nevermind.. did u end up buying that bag again? heh.. u do noe right.. that if u din spend so much on such needlessness.. u dun need to take up any second job?! ; ) n u noe! i was also thinking about wad i would do if i had 3 wishes.. haha.. unfortunately, all my wishes are very superficial.. prob explains why its not been granted.. ;p

looking beyond

2005-09-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

havent blogged for awhile so here goes~!

met up wif khoo and diane yest. meeting them always works out as a therapeutic experience.. i always feel that they are so far ahead of me.. in everything that wif them i want to be the man i noe i might be able to be but am not.. n tat leaves me away from lousy thoughts..

heh..

im not sad.. really! haha.. but im thinking about some stuff right now that gets me quite up..

its been a while since ns is over.. i rem when i was a recruit and this platoon sgt of mine came up to me one night.. n jus tokked to me..

'aaron u din wan to go ERS but now im leaving n they need a new instructor.. i c in u that ability to be a good one.. why dun u try it out..'

n we talked for awhile b4 he said to me a line i still rem..

'rem that in every relationship.. fren n fren, sgt n recruit, dad n u, mam n u, u n ur gf.. u need to give and take.. only then can anything work out.. u cant jus take all the time neither can u gif all the time. if not, u will jus break down.'

i lived my life on the principal of doing unto others wad u wan others to do unto u.. ive given everything to my frens and now im giving everything into my own toot. i lived my life like this all these years.. n i pray i dun change.. i pray i dun become some miser guy who refuses to care bout his frens or so on anymore.. i wun i think.. im not like that.. but im scared.. i dun wan to experience a situation one day when i gave everything and then got nothing in return.. theres nothing like that now.. or will it be in the near future.. i guess i tink i noe how to chose ppl who can give me as much as i give them.. in fact, normally i give only aft ppl gives someting to me.. is tis difficult to understand? i hope not.. still its always been a life principal and i hope no1 destroyes that principal by making me doubt the whole question of whether its worth giving or not..

its a 2 part principal, if one slaps u on the left cheek offer ur right is the other half.. but that part ive yet to master.. n maybe thats y im not in the favour of the lord my god..

haha.. i tok like hes a angry lil god.. but he noes better.. hes my best fren.. thank u..

in giving n taking.. ive come to realise that sometimes.. even when u dun wan to give anymore u still do.. becos if it makes the other party/parties happy.. it somehow warms u up too..

but now ive come to realise.. not every happy person can calm the darkness surrounding u.. or calm the stormy seas..

in smiling blindly u smile for everyone but urself.. n the most painful smile is the one u flash for the one u love while ur heart is breaking inside..

does that reassure the person? and if it does.. why does it hurt u when shes reassured and has left the matter on the table thinking its eaten and waiting to be clean.. do u see ur heart right there, mistreated n abused? or do u see something esle..? and if u see the abuse.. why do u cont doing it?

i know..

its becos to u, seeing her hurt by the event is more painful to u than being hurt alone.. although that brings about immaculate pain, u think the former will kill u more.. is it? will it?

misery loves company.. but in this case.. it jus needs to b alone..

5 questions

2005-09-25T02:37:00.000+08:00

The 5 Questions

how do i put this
how do i find the right words
how can i say things without the hurt
how can i find answers that will satisfy

what does one need to do to find
what does one seek that will provide
what should one do to see
what should one do to understand

where would one go to find peace
where would one go to find joy
where will i go to not feel torn
where will i go to be higher.

why can one feel pain
when one feels joy
why can one feel lost
when one has found.
why can one feel hopeless
when hope is all around
why can one fall
when he has been lifted up

dont expect to get wad u gif.. thanks.. i'll listen to that and i'll do it as well as i can.. i'll be generous.. i'll do things.. wifout expecting anyting to be returned to me.. hopefully i run a good race.. hopefully i finish the race.. and hopefully i get to see u at the end.. cheering for me

3 rules

2005-09-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

in every relationship i make it a point to ban these 3 words..

thank u - becos its a simple appreciation word. u say thank u to everyone.. the uncle who gives u ur burger in kap.. the ah ma who cleans ur table.. true thank yous in a relationship is simple.. u return ur lover the same treatments that he/she gives u.. if u say thank u.. u're treating him like the uncle.. the ah ma.. if he/she is ur lover.. then he/she can see the appreciation in ur eyes.. believe me.. u can see it in her and she will see it in u.. if however u r in a cinema n its dark then u say thank u.. or if u dun haf the time then u say thank u.. alwways always rem.. its tiring to keep giving.. so dun stop saying thanks more in ur eyes but also verbally if u absolutely haf to.

sorry - becos sorry means to apologise.. and if u said sorry u did me an injustice.. and there is only so many times that an injustice can be swallowed by any1.. i dun wanna hear u say im sorry.. becos i dun wan u to keep on hurting me.. even the toughest victim jack the ripper had died after a herculean share of stabs.. no1 can last that many wounds.. so in every relationship.. i always ask to keep the sorrys as lil as it can be. dun tell me ur sorry.. esp if u knew tat u were about to stab me.. no1 stabs a person n then say im sorry.. but i will forgive.. becos i will say sorry too.. but our knifes are deep.. n the more in love u r wif a person.. the less thick ur skin.. any cut becomes twice as painful.. thrice as deep.. and 4 times more painful.. theres a saying.. the strongest pain inflicted is the one ur closest ones place on u..

whatever - becos its dismissive. n its not jus in a relationship but in life too.. u shouldnt be dismissive.. every thing happens for a reason.. it is not right for any one of us to dismiss nything.. furthermore.. the more u dismiss in life.. the more u wun find respect for anything anymore.. we must understand that in every aspect, every event and every product in life.. there will be ppl who will appreciate it.. n becos of that.. we need to respect it.. and not dismiss it..

n these people.. are the fundementals of any good relationship.. the lesser u say these three words.. the better ur romantic experience..

ask. lies.

2005-09-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

quote taken from sujin

'ask no questions, and u'll be told no lies'

brilliant.

copyright mr dickens

2005-09-24T07:41:00.000+08:00

a world of weirdness..

2005-09-24T06:58:00.000+08:00

its six bloody 55 and im awake.. im beginning to think that i have issues.. cant seem to want to go and sleep for more than a few hours max.. this is retarded.. cos here i am complaining and complaining that im tired n there my body is.. waking up at 6.55.. the sun isnt even really out yet and im awake.. feel like drumming to wake everyone up!

haha..

u noe wads freaky? i have a neighbour directly opposite me and he's shinyee's bf.. n i was online some days back when she was like.. 'hey.. heard u got a drumset' n im like.. wad~~!! how do u noe that..!! n i realise its prob becos of her bf.. can u imagine having ur life told out wifout u knowing about it? haha.. i rem when she first told me the neighbour was her bf.. she was like.. oh u guys leave ur shoes outside.. u haf quite afew pairs.. some r this color.. blah blah and im like..

erm.. r u stalking me?

its so freaky.. haha.. feel like truman on the truman show..

yan can cook is on tv now..

used to think mr yan there was one of the best chefs.. still do.. but hes kinda nothing compared to jamie oliver..

toot came over to my place yest and we were alone for awhile.. then when my parents came back they tot that i had frenS (more than 1) over and they din come into the room la.. then when she went down to greet the crazy mother my mom was stunned.. dun really noe why.. ok well i noe why la... toot's the first girl shes seen la basically..

then aft i came home at nite she starts giving me this superb list of crap.. its beautiful realli cos u see how a 50 yr old woman is so very naive about everything.. ive always told her u need to get out n see the world more and this proves it so much..

heres the jizz of it..

aaron..

is that ur steady gf? (steady gf?? this is the 21st century mom.. maybe in ur time dad called u his steady gf but i think if i used that on my actual gf she wun be my gf for too long..) haha.. annnyway back to the story.. if shes not dun u noe that its not safe to be alone wif a girl (??!!) later she tells the police u raped her.. how? haf u ever thought of that!? (??!!) ok lets not talk about rape.. u drew the curtains n u closed the doors.. dun u noe thats the perfect atmosphere for molest? (??!!) and u shldnt even bring bk a girl.. wad if u do haf a STEADY gf and u bring home a girl then whos not ur steady n ur steady comes over n sees u wif another girl.. then hw r u gonna explain that!! (?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!)

do u haf anything to say to me!

me: nopez.. u brought out good points.

mom: good.. r u sure!

me: mom, i wanna tell u things.. really? but i think the more u noe the worst it is for me.. first of all.. im not dumb enuf to bring home a girl when i do haf a STEADY gf.. why would i wanna screw up my relationship wif a girl i want as my gf by bringing home another girl.. even if u think ive never been in a relationship b4 ive watched enuf movies and known enuf ppl not to do something like that duncha think..

(here shes thinking about the.. even if u think ive never been in a relationship b4 part)

me: and besides.. if i bring home a girl.. even if shes not my gf yet.. its most likely shes going to be.. so there..

(then i ran up my room b4 she said anything esle..)

sometimes i pity my mom... maybe i shld tell her - mom .. look at me.. ive had relationships b4.. this is not the first.. so stop thinking im the world's dumbest bf.. cos im not..

but i noe where that will lead.. mom is a 5o yr old woman wif a 13 yr old mindset.. she fears everything.. n sees everything in negative lights.. u tell her u wanna peel a carrot she'll say oh ure gonna cut urself..

i was amazed she never once asked whos that girl.. wads she like.. is she a nice girl.. instead she focused on.. dun rape her.. wad if u rape her.. wad if she said u rape her..

i blame the newspapers on this.. n many times ive told my dad.. dad.. jus remove the newpapers.. if i wanna read i'll go online.. so will my bro and u.. mom jus cant take the news.. for her.. its best u jus leave her in a world n let her watch tvb serials.. im serious..

most mothers will ask about the girl.. how she is.. and here the 1st thing she said was dun rape her.. i mean.. i jus find that rather ridiculous la..

now ppl understand why i wana move out.. haha.. everything i get from her is negative.. u dun get much positive attention.. thats y my frens are so impt to me.. they give me genuine comments and understanding

take mirzan for example.. i was such an idiot yest but hes still so understanding n cool enuf to accompany me n worry for my wallet and such.. i mean.. u noe im not gay but i do appreciate frens like this alot..

mom is the hardest person in the world to live wif.. its a double edged sword.. i look at it this way.. at least in the end, my social skills increase so much becos im forced to deal wif others rather than her and dealing wif her alone is like satisfying the most whiny and noisy customers.. explains my good PR skills.. haha..

i rem wanting to major in psych becos i wanted to think wad she thinks but now i noe that even if i wrote the best thesis in psych and became singapore's pioneer psychologist she wun listen to me.. and if the mother of the best dun listen to him.. why should the rest.. n my career would jus fall to the lowest.. haha.. so yes

explains the lack of interest now in psych. haha.

thanks mom.

'Hai~ 7 more months till i ORD, i read in Aaron's blog that he kinda miss NS thus i would like to tell him that you are lucky to have left NS cos now the camp is not like what it was when you were around (,")' - alferd..

bro u noe wads the problem right
the problem is .. im not there anymore!! haha.. aaron brings alot of smiles to ppl but dun worry.. we'll soon smile n make lots of money soon k?!
haha.. cheers mate!!

peace

2005-09-22T12:50:00.000+08:00

its really fast.. how close to two months have past.. i just went out with khaliq and mangen last saturday n they were jus talking about camp camp camp.. and well.. camp.. then the next night they had duty and aft sending toot to boon lay to her godma's i was jus walking the area.. i cant believe how it seemed like jus yesterday i was taking the 172 or the 199 or well, most of the time i was waiting for my dad la! but when i did take the bus it was the 172 or 199 or when fattie khaliq decides that he wants to walk..

n the walk would take u pass the blocks.. pass the roads.. and to jurong point..

toot was saying that that was her hang out..

it made me realised that its awhile since i did hung out there.. used to spend fridays watching movies there.. eating at banquet cos these clowns cant eat anything else! or if ure with khaliq then it'll be long john silvers.. again!! haha.. n of cos.. lets not forget the charlie (ex charlie) bitches who would never ever ever come on time.. so much so one time we had to dump their tickets in the rooms they set aside to let pregnant women change their babies' diapers.. oh yeah.. the diaper room! haha..

n yep.. it jus made me remember.. about camp.. about life.. bout frens.. bout work.. wich was cool.. not to forget nasir and his constant rumblings about the fuckers in camp.. haha.. n sam as well.. though that is a diff camp in all.. ; )

i realli miss NS.. hahahaha

i dun think a yr back i would haf said that.. but i do.. the memories.. are kinda nice to remember once in awhile..

took the train to boon lay wif toot n as we went passed buona vista i was like.. hey.. check out that bus stop.. tat was when we first met up jus the 2 of us to grab a bus to sch.. that time still din noe bout the existence of no.96..

n she jus went back to her usual sleeping position n mumbled.. yep.. and u bought me sweets.. ; ) wad a perfect cap to a really nice moment..

n well.. on this nice cool thursday.. its jus amazing how time has flown passed.. even mirzan was saying on tuesday.. hey bro.. we ord-ed nearly 3 months liao leh! n im jus like.. yah.. haha.. time has realli taken a bullet train.. its 3 months u noe.. but so much has happened alr.. n so it is, on a rainy thurs.. jus chill out.. take time.. to appreciate all that has happened to u and smile.. for all the good things that has happened.. n forget.. about all the bad that has been weighted down on u..

peace.

2005-09-21T11:03:00.000+08:00

the first gf is having a huuge birthday party to celebrate her 21st on friday.. the ex part timer/dunno now wad is having a huuuge birthday party on sat to celebrate HER 21st.. and alferd is asking me to work the weekend wif him at stadium cove..

sounds like an exciting time ahead doesnt it..

so how come i dun feel like it is?? ;p

2005-09-21T08:49:00.000+08:00

thanks mirzan for the trip to JB and the loads of cock we talked along the way.. i needed it.. suddenly i feellike dropping out of school.. i realised that every alternate night i feel like crap becos of it.. i hate all these project meetings and all these cca meetings and i hate the fact that i dun seem to have the time to just sit down and drink a latte wifout having a textbook in the other hand..

'hi, im kay, the deputy director of the business cell for arts club, and i'll like to invite u for a welcome tea tmr at 6.15pm since u've signed up for the business cell, pls let me noe if ure coming k?'

that could have been me..

the first gf is having a huuuge party for her birthday on fri.. the ex/spirodically still on part timer is having also huuuge birthday party on sat that invite was there a while back.. alferd is asking me to work wif him on the F1 powerboat at stadium cove on the weekend.. all sound like superb drinking opportunities!! heh.. maybe i shld really jus reject them all! hehe.. oops.. shouldnt have said that out loud huh.. ; )

shagged

2005-09-19T08:36:00.000+08:00

thank god for mid term breaks.. im so shagged.. the euphoria is gradually turning into complete exhaustion.. 3 nites in a row sleeping at 1am and waking up at 7am is not funny.. im so so so so tired now..

u think its mid terms and its time to rest but just look at my schedule..

im going out today.. tmr going JB wif mirzan.. wed morning damon says he wants to go the 'new smu' to do our eng project and in the afternoon ive got to go meet ling n the rest for NM project.. thurs going bk to sch for meeting and then in the evening got cuesports again..

break? what break?

worst is.. even wif all these things coming up and all.. i still wanna find sometime to go pursue the whole acting thing i wanna do..

i think im crazy..

maybe its the pure exhaustion.. i really wanna jus run off wif toot and go into a cave and sleep the week always.. n i mean sleep in the purest most innocent form u bunch of pervertS!! haha.. i think we're both equally exhausted.. hugs.. ; )

i woke up to a dream today.. was playing soccer, not so much playing but kicking the ball ard wif yonglong and charanpal.. haha.. god knows how long ive seen them much less played soccer wif them and yeah.. it jus suddenly made me miss the past again.. alot.. as much as i have friends now i realli realli do miss frens like them alot.. like.. alot.. haha.. i hate having this ability to make frens easily.. cos its tiring to keep up and continue building these frenships.. i noe ive said that most of my frenships are built on the fact that even if i havent seen them for yrs i could still end up hafing long deep conversions wif them but i realli do wanna see more of my mates as much as i can.. i havent seen any of the barker mates cept anton in sch while the rest are still prob serving their last bits of NS.. luckily for me i still have chances to see pepz like mil, matthew, lance, edward, sunny n of cos, kz ard. at least they bring back the acjc thing abit.. n of cos the once a week msg to liong koon and the tagboarding wif ken.. not to mention elaine, celena, sharon, dylan n mirzan keeping the JI thingy there.. and ppl like alferd and khaliq and nasir reminding me of camp.. and samuel.. lets not forget him.. haha.. thanks so much bro jus for coming down one hr (including traveling time) to be wif me to see my toot perform.. THANK YEW!

thank god for that.. i wish i had more time jus to meet u guys when i can n haf some good sitting down tokking bout stuff.. haha.. but we're all so bz in our own ways in our own lives.. once again.. i wished we all lived in a sustainable island where we could do nothing but cuddle wif our lovers at nite by bond-fires and make merry in the day time..

dun u think its so cool.. its like.. ur kids can be frens wif my kids too and then by our 3rd generation or 4th all my frens would have become my relatives.. hahahaha.. ok it sounds sick but u perverts better realise im being innocent here.. no incest or anything coming into play..

if i make it big i will do that.. buy an island for my frens.. n build the world's longest escalators.. so that u'll be able to stand on the step above n hold me by my back.. then no matter how tired i am.. ure there supporting me..

im sorry to nat also.. din go for her farewell and din to send her off yest too.. its gonna be next yr before i can even THINK about seeing her again..

sorry too to xinyi who was understanding enuf to noe i'll be rushing too much to go eat prata wif her..

and sorry too to the bukit timah peoples who went to eat prata as well.. for not being able to join la..

if i could, i'll start like.. a club.. cos theres jus so so many youngsters like me living here in bukit timah.. we could haf like, a huge bukit timah club and we could like watch movies together.. makan together n stuff.. haha.. not that its not there alr.. but it could be big big bigger..

yawnz.. its raining.. so nice n cool.. i think im going back to sleep.. YAWN!!

september 16th

2005-09-17T10:52:00.000+08:00

when i first blogged yest i never tot that the day would end up so fruitfully..

nowadays it seems like everyday for me is like 3 or 4 days merged into one.. its super hectic.. im so tired today but still im going to play tennis AND badminton.. i havent exercised for so long its incredible.. thats why i realli need to go do some sports today.. no matter how tired!!

went to lect yest.. it was my english test day so that felt like one day already.. then i dashed home only to go to sch to meet ling, kuanzhong and saif for project.. i love my group! haha.. we've got the perfect mix of ppl.. saif n me are like the clowns.. talking alot of rubbish n nonsense n making ppl laugh.. ling is like.. the organiser and kz is like the one who does all the research.. haha.. its very well balanced..

the only way it would haf been better is if my toot was in it. haha. but its good that we're not doing a project together for now la. ppl will be too distracted..

then aft that i dashed to town to meet tootz.. watched be wif me wich is a realli realli nice N dumb movie at the same time.. lets jus say samantha tan is superbly gorgeous.. shes got this pretty cute look which is soo rare i think.. cos normally u either look pretty or cute.. she was both!

there werent many good lines in the movie cos there wasnt much talking! so i tot the best line in that one and a half hr was made by toot.

'erm.. is this movie for mutes?'

;p

oh oh and there was this superb scene? where the lesbian girl in the show jumps off cos samantha tan no longer likes her and she falls on a fat guy n kills him n the 'straits time' headline went

'girl jumps off building but kills guy instead'

hahahaha! my goodness that was soooo funny.. talk about being at the wrong place at the wrong time!

overall though i think it was a superbly shot movie. very artsy.. it was a waste of money la.. bt i tot it was still very nicely done.. does that sound contradictary? ok lets say its worth 8 bucks for the effort, the angles, the shots, the story line, the message, ezanne lee, samantha tan, teresa chan, the ah pek pek who cooks for her and that fat guy who dies.. buuuut.. it wasnt worth the 8 bucks simply becos there were better shows on show..

i think from now local shows should haf some local rate thingy.. like.. make it cheaper then more ppl will watch it.. overall lets say its a 3.5 wiggle out of 5 wiggles.

then we rushed down to sch for jackson's agm.. but in the end we chao-ed cos it was jus so boring..

; )

while waiting for the agm we were outside the LT and ive been holding her the entire day b4 that so out of natural instinct i jus pulled out my hand and like gestured her to hold it and come wif me to god knew where i wanted to go then la.. it was alr 7 so i tot ya, its a fri,, its 7 oclock in the evening.. theres nothing to hide.. somemore i was quite sure only kim was ard but i totally forgotten steven was there too!! n when he saw that gesture she said his jaw jus dropped.. then when we walked into the LT he was like.. when did u guys start?!

haha.. i love surprising ppl like that.. ppl see me n her as the least likely to be together then when they actually see us they're like.. but wait.. u guys realli look good together!! haha.. ; )

then we chao-ed to ps for din.. n lets say.. from now on..

i love plaza sing.. i love the benches outside plaza sing.. i love the long long escalator in dhoby gaunt.. i love 10.16pm and i love september 16th.. ; )

i'll be

2005-09-16T10:22:00.000+08:00

while downloading some goo goo dolls song i managed to accidentally download this song by edwin mccain.. my god.. he was like my favourite singer manz.. his songs.. i'll be and i could not ask for more.. god they were superb songs.. so sweet.. i think i would use one for my wedding.. haha.. ok thats rushing the gun.. i doubt i'll be getting married anytime soon.. useless i get into a 10 car accident.. (well thats basically how i would feel if i get someone pregnant now).. if not.. no wedding invitations for now!

; )

im home now for like.. half an hr.. then i gotta rush to school again.. why i even came home in the first place i realli dunno..

enjoy the lyrics for i'll be..

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful,
Stop me and steal my breath.
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it out with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide.
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it out with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead.
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

2005-09-15T09:29:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-09-15T05:28:00.000+08:00

People laugh when you say you feel like you're in a rut, but you know that it's true. Something has been going on for far too long, and you're feeling the dulling effects of too much routine. Fortunately, you're a master of transformation. It's just a question of pinpointing what area of your life needs revamping -- is it your friends, love life or business that could do with a change of pace? No need to worry; you'll figure it out sooner or later.

horoscopes. ha. sometimes they're freaky..

i dont say no to my obligations. but ive said no to every other girl whos come my way.

2005-09-15T04:43:00.000+08:00

its 4.45 in the morning n i jus went for another run..

xinyi whenever i run wif u i do like 5 runs average while u go at 8.. but when im doing these middle of the night ones that nobody noes off im doing 3 rounds ard my neighbourhood.. by the time im back im exhausted.. but sad.. n tears are dropping down my cheeks.. yet.. nobody sees it and i feel comforted by the silent silentness of the dark.. thank u for ur poster.. thank u for ur time.. thank u for ur company.. thank you..

im sorry to the people who read this and haf started asking me wads happening.. sorry mirzan for sounding like crap here and on the fone.. i miss jus chilling out wif u in jb.. i miss our movie marathons.. i miss telling u how good it feels to be financially superior.. i miss tos days..

thanks for caring guys.. its amazing to haf frens like u..

mil was right. sometimes u wan to write wad u need to n wad u realli feel but then u think to urself.. after awhile.. ppl will jus get so tired of reading all ur sad sad nonsense but u cant help feeling sad.. sadness is not a choice.. no1 goes on wif a tagboard that says come make me sad. no1. im jus broken again but shld i write down?

no. becos i dun wan ppl to think im sad.. even when im this close to falling into the deepest deepest drain ive seen..

pls some1.. anyone.. come pick me back up..

im sorry.. realli.. i realli dun wan to sound like this.. ; /

im praying nite in nite out to god.. jus let me get some rest..

i haf a full day today but i jus dun feel like doing anything.. going for anything..

im very very tired..

I drift I burn, I fly
When you sing lullabies
I'm helpless, I'm yearning
I'm like putty in your hands

I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a rollercoaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who I am
Just take my hand and

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you

I had a dream that I
Was falling from the sky
At 90 miles an hour
I was bound to crash and die
But out of nowhere you came and rescued me
There must be some grace in the touch of your face
I'm so happy that I've found you
I'm no longer afraid

Oh 'cause you
Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting

Before I met you
Life was slow-mo
So slow-mo
I thought I had it figured out
But you came and turned my whole world upside down

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows you've come to

Save me from this place
Heaven knows I'm falling
For you, my sweet embrace
Heaven knows
Heaven knows I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you

2005-09-12T20:15:00.000+08:00

im really troubled.. im sorry i made u think.. maybe now u feel like wad we have jus doesnt seem like wad they are going thru.. maybe u think ours is alil childish.. alil play play..

yet.. u r my reprieve from all the rigours of real life.. i hope im urs too.. we haf our mature moments too dun we.. jus that nobody else sees it.. i realli dun like this feeling im having now.. that sudden lostness i feel.. its not fun.. n i cant concentrate..

i wish i can call u and let u noe that i din mean any of the moments there.. i tot truly that it was nice jus to haf a laugh before lecture.. it was a pretty dry one aft all.. i realli din mean to cause this huge thinking space..

u noe they'll soon enter me into a life where i'll suddenly haf more responsibilities and issues to deal wif.. i need u more than ever.. pls pls dun gif me this senseless feelings now..

pls smile back at me and say u forgive me..

im really deeply sorry

shitsalot

2005-09-06T08:36:00.000+08:00

argh.. im breaking out!!! i guess this is the effects of 4 consecutive weeks of late nites and tons n tons of alcohol.. lesson learnt.. after i pacify this, im never ever gona slp late again or have that much alcohol.. or any amounts of alcohol period.. no more alcohol.. no more late nites..

n then last nite i slept at 12.30...

argh!!

its all the toot's fault.. haha.. grr.. i noe i shld go sleep.. but i cant stop myself from talking to u..

and liong koon's fault too.. for coming online wif his wife and hafing a nonsensical conversation wif me..

so heres my post.. NO MORE ALCOHOL.. NO MORE LATE NITES!!

there u go.. slp b4 10.. cure ur face.. grr.. im so vain i noe.. but dun u think that in the world, the face is everything?? if u dont look good. then nobody would respect u. its a sad fact of life. i made a quote i used to put in front of the mirror..

it went something like..

everything is about face value. ppl who tell u that its not are usually better looking than you.

or something like that.. but thats the truth.. hope my auntie is free this weekend to help me pop it all out.. grinz.. sounds gross.. but its highly effective..

sometimes i wonder if im a guy.. hmmmmmmm.. haha..

luckily that indian man mirzan understands..

quotes from the irc

2005-09-02T19:05:00.000+08:00

a friend jus sent me this 'quotes from irc' its soo bloody farnie.. i'm jus gonna put abit on since im going out soon.. yep.. haha. enjoy! will put on more another time!

man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
you don't live in Hope mills do you?

ya, why man?
lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?

you mother fucker

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores (bbq masrshmallows) and all... and suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

hey baby, whats up?
umm....nothing?
So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

d-_-b
how u make that inverted b?
wait
never mind

Hey Mike
what?
Pussy.
er?
Pussy.
and?
Pussy.
...
Pussy.
i dont get it
AND YOU NEVER WILL.
bastard

what the fuck is wtf

2005-09-02T16:12:00.000+08:00

suddenly i feel that overwhelming need to be a success again..

i really want to be somebody..

a past well lived.

2005-09-02T12:11:00.000+08:00

wanted to change my fone wif my toot yest.. so as i was going thru all the things inside i saw my entire email folder inside and i realised that i have had this laughingtoot account since like 2000.. nearly 5 yrs liaoz manz..

so i was going thru the folder n i went from bottom up.. its jus amazing all these memories u can dig up from ur inbox.. haha.. saw this one where leanne was mass emailing us when she first went to aust and was feeling alil lonely.. haha.. n i saw my email addy and it was formyamanda@hotmail.com haha.. how long was that manz..

then i dug up even more and i saw this loooong email i sent to mr ng and mrs tan.. my sec sch Principal and vp..

here it is.. haha..

dear both of you,

it has been indeed a tramatic time i supposed and ive heard so much from everyone.here in sch all us barkerboys suddenly r found in pools and groups as we allcome together for a little talking btwn us all.. ihope im not too late to ask for ur personal emailaddresses and maybe even ur contacts if u dun mind.its been a long time since ive saw both of u and i dohope u remember me = ) the last time i saw u guys wasat the methodist walk.hearing the news i was like all the boys here. veryshocked n disturbed. we were all very angry and itsnot jus the guys. sir , i'll like to thank u. in thetime i was in barker i never once regretted. outsideppl looked at us like we were rejects frm our othersch but u never did. and i thank u. it hurts espduring the sec1 and 2 yrs when ppl looked at us wiftos eyes. but u gave us an identity. u made us who weare. we're not perfect. but u gave us thecharacteristics of life. u built in us a love for god.u gave me hope. a ray of light. and u made us realisein our own potential. and that felt good. in acj, allthe teachers haf respect for u. when i got intotrouble last yr with miss gracia ng she reprimanded meon how u haf put me where i was and the respect shegave to u moved me and woke me up. i came here and ibecame complacent. i forgotten the effort u put in andthe hope u gave me. and i realised that i was where iwas becos of u. not jus in my educational position butmy whole lifestyle. here ppl appreciate us becos we rdown to earth. we're humble with ability. and u gavethat to us. we were humble becos u nv made us proud ofwad we had becos u said that all things we do weredone in the name of god. wif the strength of god. andwe never took all the credit. yet, u continue toinfuse in us the ideals that we werent second best. wewere up there wif the "higher schools" and i thank ufor that. i haf seen 3 generations of ac barker ppl inacj. and each is similar to the next. we r crowdpleasers. and its all thanks to u. sir i wish i couldfind vocab thats powerful even to describe wad u didfor us. but i cant. words jus can illustrate ur acts.thank you once again. i also believed that if ateacher or a leader doesnt haf to speak to lead and uwere such an example. ur presence made us listen. yetnot out of fear..but sir, out of RESPECT.. and tillthe day i leave this earth..sir u haf..my undyingrespect. i pray the lord god blesses u..with joy onlyu can feel..madam..its been a while.. how r u.. like mr ng, i findno words to describe u.. frm wad i heard, u were goingtoo.. haha.. how ironic.. when i went back u wereasking me how come we could be so fiercely loyal.. iguess u see it now.. im proud of u..but im morefiercely proud of wad u haf done.. tis yr..in ourmajor play we had nearly 2/3 of our male cast frombarker..frm jared to me to ppl like hansel..itsamazing isit it..and frm me, i owe that to u.. uintroduced ppl like me, anton and the others..to thisworld of arts..and like mr ng..u nv brought fear butpeace and understanding..when i was down, i remembered u.. and credit belongsto u too on where i am.. haha (i hope u had recievedthe acjc newsletter 'line-in' where im vice-editor andwriter too) madam u brought me to this world.. and ifell in love wif it.. if character is what mr ng putin me then the actions were added by youTHANK YOU BOTH OF U.. barker will never be the samewithout u both.. and the core of teachers.. im sograteful god gave the both of u to me to guide me andlead me in my teenhood, my most vulnerable days.thanks god. thanks sir. thanks madam.god bless u both with the love and joy only he cangivepls if this isnt too late.. give me some way tocontact u.. i would really really appreciate it for tome, u guys r my saviours..

reading it jus makes me tear.. its been so long but the sch still remains in my heart.. i wish now more than ever that there was an ac uni..

sujee called me yest n i was jus complaining to her cos its so sad.. i miss all the ac ppl.. its like.. i dunno man.. i jus miss them.. its not like the new frens are bad or anything.. i love their company.. they're so fun n gifing but.. i dunno.. haha.. i jus miss the jc pepz.. well.. sujee will be going back to uk soon so yes sujee.. see u in dec!!

2005-09-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

had lunch wif mil today.. it was nice.. shes still as pretty.. as ditzy and as cute as ever.. its a joy to be ard her reali.. shes got such a beautiful contagious laugh.. its like christmas bells ringing.. haha..

mil if ure reading this.. ppllllllease tell hannah i dun hate her! haha.. shes like a scared lil cat each time she sees me! im not gonna kill her! im not! haha.. all i remember of her is she looking good in that purplish skirt of hers.. so yeah.. IM NOT GONNA KILL HANNAH.. best.. let her see this..

right. im sleepy.. i still got things to say but im so sleepy.. sleep.. sleep sleep.. will redo this tmr morning..

run run run!!

2005-09-01T07:08:00.000+08:00

its 707!! n i noe im so gonna be late today but im writing tis annnyway!!

ive discovered a new persuasion effect!! its called the aaron knockdown theory..

wad is this u say.. it is basically people doing things that I do!
haha..

just last week me and xinyi went for a run at ngee ann at night.. it was sooo therapatic.. then now? shes running like almost every week! last nite she jus did 10 rounds!! my god.. i was dead aft 6 and she ran 10!! haha.. im gonna do this weekly wif her so i'll never ever be unfit again..

annnnnd.. ive jus read mil's page? n SHE went running too!! u see.. this is the subconcious efforts that ppl take once they realise im running.. its very much like studies.. once ppl see me studying.. bam.. they realise they better start studying too or it will be TOOOOOO LATE!

n the best part is she ran for an hour! good for u babes.. im catching up soon.. hehe.. in another related note, i recieve a phonecall from the arena of mil last night.. its been a while.. just seeing ur no. appear on my fone was instantenously joy bringing. sorry i was asleep. i was hafing a headache.. and a biiiiig one.. like 5 hippos jumping on my head.. haha..

was sitting beside dixie, michelle and darren cheng n fren laura for lit yest..

it was sooooo boring.. sooooo dry then i asked michelle if she wanted to play bingo.. and she screamed at me.. told her she was the perfect girlfriend.. whhhhhy are u attached michellleeee!! hahahahA.. IM KIDDING. shes gonna be singing on friday.. hmm.. good luck?? then i asked dixie if SHE wanted to play bingo.. and she said no too? sheesh.. all these ppl.. so mug mug mug.. then i asked darren cheng if HE wanted to play n i got scolded by him.. then he was like.. next time im so not gonna sit beside u.. u always haf this aura of slackness.. always making me lazy.. n im like.. wtf! hahA.. dun blame ur laziness on me can!! haha.. but in the end i was appleased once again by the jellybeans he brings.. 6 yrs on n the dude is still eating jellybeans.. i couldnt even play tic tac toE!! stupid liongkoon.. why did u go smu.. U would play tic tac toe wif me!! esp wen the lect was so boring.. 45 mins on one point.. i mean!! wad r u ? my grandma's grandma!?! sheesh.. luckily im in love wif the lecturer..

ps: ive decided to blog like this liao.. jus tell u bout my day and the things ive done.. why?! cos i feel if i cont writing bout the pap u'll see me on the front pages behind jailbars one day.

2005-08-28T09:15:00.000+08:00

argh! i want to put music on my blog.. i want to change the damn theme of the thing.. and most of alllll.. i want to update this more often wif quality entries..

ok all these sound really daunting.. i think im going back to sleep.

2005-08-23T03:54:00.000+08:00

tuesday.. 23rd aug..

its 356am.. im drunk.. my head is spinning.. but i cant slp..

im miserable. n its been a very very very long time since i felt that way.. very..

im a drama person. that as true as it gets. i remember creffield telling me once.. aaron.. the world is a stage.. and we are all mere actors.. i remember telling myself then.. dun ever let anyone see what ure like backstage.. dun.. always be guarded.. always be prepared.. let the world see what u r when ure on.. and at the dresser.. let no1 see that.. let no1 see u wifout the make up.. let no one see u wif ur insecurites.. ur fears.. ur pains.. n ive been guarded.. i felt strong when i was guarded.. i felt some kind of power.. most of all.. i felt that my on stage persona made me invincible..

not many knew me.. n so.. not many harmed me.. i was like a turtle wif the hardest shell.. i never felt pain..

yet.. everyman has his down days.. n today.. im overturned.. n vultures are picking on my very flesh.. i wish u noe the pain.. i wish my screams could be heard.. but its a silent silent pain.. its a cold cold night.. n i cant slp..

i dunno wad im writing.. i jus need to write.. i wan to tell myself.. be stronger.. why r u so weak.. haf u forgotten.. do u not remember..

i haf.. i dun..

dun ever ever overturn again.. be strong.. dun ever cry again aaron.. dont.. u noe ure better than that..

i wish i was braver.. then maybe i could haf taken the route nicole took.. that julie took.. that aaron goh took.. that kp took.. that pam took..

i wan to be on top.. i will die tryin.. becos when ure up there.. nobody hurts u.. their stabs dun bring pain.. none at all.. but when ure down below no matter how many times u had been on top, the knives.. still hurts.. i dun wan.. to be hurt anymore..